Monday, December 27, 2010

this simply stands alone!
Mary a girl,
Mary at home,
Mary with her life before her.

Rosanna a girl,
Rosanna at home,
Rosanna with her life before her.

Mary listening to her call,
Mary pondering these things,
Mary remaining faithful and following the various directions given her.

Rosanna listening to her call,
Rosanna pondering these things,
Rosanna remaining faithful and following the various directions given her.

Mary a woman,
Mary in the world,
Mary living a life not making a deal for eternal life,
just simply following what she felt was right,
and this happened to be what she felt God had called her to do.
How amazing to life a life like that and it still be reflected upon!

Rosanna a woman,
Rosanna in the world,
Rosanna living a life not making a deal for eternal life,
just simply following what she feels is right,
and this happens to be what she feels God has called her to do.
How amazing to live a life like that even if it is a delusion.

Mary a lady,
Able to reflect on a life lived in service and obedience,
Mary continuing to love, live and reflect on eternity.

Rosanna still a woman,
but in the humanistic, agnostic world
struggling to live a life of faithful, loving service and obedience.
Rosanna continuing to love with God's creative love, living and reflecting not only on eternity but also on what others offer in the face of this world and eternity.

I choose to follow in the footsteps of Mary,
She accepted,
She experienced,
She remained open to possibilities,
She lived her life
in peace,
growing knowledge, experience and eternity.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

asher has two more primary areas of cancer. more and more. it now means he has to have the fully bone removed and replaced by one from the leg. so in for the long haul in Jan.

Dread to think what the diary will look like!

My life needs to find a rythm. The idea from the last post really resonated with me and helped me to realise that daily prayer is part of a rythm in life which helps to form a base line.

Where do look within myself to find how what feeds me. I get ideas and thoughts but find that my time is taken up so quickly that i do not get time to discover them more deeply.

If the Spirit helps us to express ourselves before God then we need to be able to leave space that will enable us to find out and discover what is to be expressed before God.

I think i will start by using the david heywood study and use the thoughts and scripture from that and reflect on it.

In Jan I am going to see the bishop on 17th and asher has a major op on the 12th.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

In liverpool at last for the start of our Christmas, with a hospital app scheduled in for tommorrow.

I decided i would take a few days while here to spend time with God away from the family as I have found it so hard recently. The cathedral is not far so i am delighted to be able to try and use it. On their webpage I found an interpretation of a wonderful verse;;;;

'Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace." (Jesus' words in Matthew 11:28 - The Message)

i usually am not a fan of the message as it uses intellectual words i do not understand not being very educated. But this give a wonderful rhythm and spin which forces one to take the verse seriously and personally.

Friday, December 17, 2010

been so busy closing up groups for christmas etc.

look forward to a tidy house and going away for christmas. hope we get snowed in away from home!

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Back to the Anglican Covenant.

section 3 uses the term 'instruments' I wonder what are those underlying instruments it talks about.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

tonight i took a rare coffee on the sofa and watched some of undercover boss USA'Churchhill Downs Racecourse'.
Bill,the man undercover said 'this is a people business and to run it well means to know how the people are feeling'.

He concluded with a thought I am impressed with: 'sometimes when you get a little bit personal you loose alittle bit of control but sometimes its worth it.'

What I am impressed with is that there needs to be a balance between operating a business using the impersonal spreadsheets and the personal understanding of people's feelings. Bill ensured that those he came to recognise worked hard to exand the business were enabled to work harder by allowing them what they needed.

I was also really impressed that those working for the business were not manipulative or selfseeking. It was amazing how they saw what they did as something that benefited them because they loved doing it but also as something that benefited the company. They did not at all have aims to gain means for themselves and this really amazed me.

I realise that some people work because they love it and it is something that enables them to be more of who they are. I know many people who work because it enables them to be in power, or gain money, or self fulfillment but to work because you love it is very special.

vocation is an amazing thing.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

So my wonderful always and forever has two out of three biopsies which are cancerous.

But I think we both feel relieved and grateful. Somehow we had an uncomfortable feeling that he was unwell. I have known he is unwell, there is something about him when he has cancer that I pick up on. A tiredness and inability to be involved. I am so grateful also that our dear surgeon found the spots and can and is willing to lazer them off.

I asked if this were a beginning of the end really and in another year would asher get another recurrence. The surgeon said it was not definite and so there is hope that after this bout it may not return. He has had one lady with 7 returns so asher is one of the record breakers! He is up there with the best of them but hopefully will not beat the record!

To tell others so that they can pray for us and understand how we need to focus our lives at the moment is really hard because illness effects people so very deeply. For some it reminds them of the pain and torment they went through with a loved one and it wells up in them all the memories and feelings of loss if their loved one did not survive.

For others illness shakes their faith as they struggle to comprehend love and pain, justice and suffering. Their view of God is challenged at a very deep level.

I suppose I have to finish this off with Asher and my view of God. God continually is alive to us, revealing his love, guidance and care. We rest in Him and hold on to his promise to be with us in all things and therefore we take our eyes off the illness, worry, doubt and allow our hearts to comforted in such a deep and powerful way that we are reassured that God is an awesome God.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Advent Calendar by Steven Croft is a book that we read each Advent and have enjoyed it so much. We have not managed to read all the way through but it is so exciting and memorable that it is worth the tradition and we have learnt so much from it. It has really blessed our Christmas and actually made it far more meaningful.

If you have it or get it join the blog...

Monday, November 29, 2010

Yesterday i was privileged to be part of the advent service in our tiny local church. Gathered together were the few families and more regular members who make up the very irregular congregation. There were also some people there who I know do not usually come to church but people do pray for regularly so that was very encouraging.

We had met once prior to the service a few weeks ago so that I could give out the scripts and just share how I felt the service would run.

The children were wonderful. They spoke as loud as they could and they read wonderfully. The message came across clearly and it was fantastic that all got a chance to do something and gain confidence.

We sang lots of christmas carols one led by our 11 year old amazing pianist who played the organ and the opening music led by our family of musicians who played the cello and violin (or viola). It was overall a wonderful way to begin Advent.

Our theme was angels preparing to tell the news of Jesus coming to earth. We entitled it 'Panic in heaven, peace on earth'. The play ended with the narrator saying
'The panic in heaven is over and the peace on earth begins!

God sent Jesus to grow up in a simple family
to have simple needs
AND his message was simple.

That God knows us and God wants us to know him.

Advent is a month of preparing and waiting for Christmas.

It is a special time as the goal date is in focus and we all prepare for the day when we give our time and presents to each other.

Remember during this time of panic to find peace

and during our time of focusing on presents to find Gods presence in your life.'

on a personal note we have snow on the ground outside and I am so thankful to God that I have my husband with me again this Christmas.
Hold us close Lord and guide us this advent to be open to your calling and be still in your presence.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

yesterday was one of those typical days when what you really need and want you do not get.
I had planned for the house to be tidy and clean so that I could escape and study for a few hours to prepare for the panel meetings i have this week.

I think i managed to get perhaps 10 minutes in the whole day. I despair. It seems an impossible feat. We had to organise car insurance which took hours and I thought had been sorted and done. We had to find keys to the car we were exchanging which should have been in the draw and I know 1 set I lost ! We had to do so much silly stuff that I thought would take a second and instead took the whole day. I had hoped the family would go to collect the car so I could have time while they were out. But by the time we left I knew I had to go as it was snowy icy dark and cold......and so on and so on....

Where was God's presence in the argument, the stress to get things done, the monotonous asking for things to be done and completed. Do I give up?

The story of Mary and Martha come to my mind yesterday and a comment I had read on it during the week ' We need to learn from each other, not chastise each other, and feel vindicated that we are right.'

so i ask God most humbly to please be with me in my hour before everyone gets up. Help me to organise that time so that i can share these moments with you and find your presence. Help me to organise my day around that contemplate period of prayer.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

may the light of your presence which the saints enjoy
surround our steps as we journey on.

this is sentence that this morning really helped me to understand the thoughts i have recently been having about those who have gone before us and the angels praising God in heaven.

Perhaps because we are approaching advent the thought of those who are able to enjoy (such a simple word for such an amazing experience) the presence of God.

but the prayer that this may surround our steps as we journey on is mine for this week and will hold it close each hour.

This week is going to be an emotional rollercoaster. Today we are taking a loan to buy a car which we pick up this afternoon. On Sunday I am helping with the Advent service and have a confirmation service in the eve for one of the girls of a group I help with, monday I am off to one of the panel who will give their opinion on my vocation to be a priest and then on Tuesday I am off to liverpool with Asher for his Wednesday Appointment for biopsy results and then on Thursday I see the second panel member.

Friday I am booking for us to go and enjoy doing something together which is not emotional!

This week I had a call from a dear friend from our old church who had heard on the grapevine that asher is unwell again and had had biopsy's. I told her that I was going to ring them after I got the results.

This very dear friend is one lady that I had wanted to ask to be a referee for my application to ordination. She has always been someone who considers things very carefully and is honest. She has never said her opinion on my application to ordination and I had felt she did not really agree. So how shocked was I when after telling her I will be begging people from St D's to be a referee she happily said 'oh there will be so many who would be happy to sponsor you. you have so much support here.'

Leave it at that....... my confidence and souls warmth is alight and I feel so much more responsibility to work toward ordination.

Friday, November 26, 2010

this is a link to a youtube vid sharing the hallelujah!
I am working my way through the final copy of the Anglican Covenant. My hypothesis based on reading it in the past and clips of it from other sites is that it uses language which enables it to become and be used very much for the interpretation of Scripture and Morality that those in the 'Chair' hold and also that it introduces theological terms and ideas that until now have not been written into religious legal forms and have been fought and argued over by no less than the men such as Eusebius et al.

So I decided as I work through it I will pull out things that I would like to think more about and discuss with others so that I can have a recorded and informed opinion that will hopefully be proved wrong on my worries and fear of this covenant having subtle and designed to allow control over what the Church of England adheres to and holds dear..... I do rather hope i am wrong and that all is well!

(2.2.2.a) to proclaim the Good News of the Kingdom of God” and to bring all to repentance and faith
I question here that it is our role to bring all to repentance and faith. My concern is that if it is a role to bring people to repentance then we have to be sure of what they are repenting from.

“to strive to safeguard the integrity of creation and to sustain and renew the life of the earth”
if we have to safeguard the integrity of creation and sustain and renew the life of the earth we are declaring here that integrity is our call. My concern is that the issue of sexuality will be on the agenda here.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

So much is going on in the church that it could make you boggle with wonder. But then I realise that actually these issues are NOT what is going on in the church by any means.

It is the people who rely on us in the church that is really going on in the church.

Baptisms, Weddings, Funerals, Dedications, Bible Studies, Celebrations, Dispair, Seeking, Discerning, Fellowship, Mission, Evangelism

These are what is really going on in the church and NO MATTER what structure comes in to enable those who take up their time with each other in the church we on the ground are the ones who are the BODY of CHRIST and it is to God that eyes need to be fixed not the debates of people who choose to be part of them.

NO I will sit in my chair and pray.
I will skim the news and lift it to God.
I will get up and go out and do what the Lord commands.

as the meerkat says ' simples stttut '

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Beware the Cares of this world

Yesturday I spent the day really enjoying the thoughts of others through their blogs. I was very tired and had a day off just cleaning, playing with baby and blogging!

But this morning I was very aware how quickly one can become sidetracked from our focus on God. So i resolved to put a link to the morning prayer and oswold chambers on my blog to remind me to do these focuses first and last.

Oh what a Good God we have. Todays Oswold reading:
"Have mercy upon us, 0 Lord, have mercy upon us: for we are exceedingly piled with contempt." Psalm 123:3

'The thing of which we have to beware is not so much damage to our belief in God as damage to our Christian temper. "Therefore take heed to thy spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." The temper of mind is tremendous in its effects, it is the enemy that penetrates right into the soul and distracts the mind from God.'
I do not really want to get into the ins and outs of Bishop Pete's statements but alongside the covenant and the Pope's decision about condoms and so much more I do question how useful it is to be aware of what is happening in the world and have an opinion on it.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I feel so sad about the covenant which is being heralded lately and actually is being considered as a serious piece of thinking. I realise people have dedicated years to it but so have i dedicated years to understanding some things I feel strongly about. I would not then work to force the whole church to adopt my views. Anglicanism gone wrong. I think these guys think they are seriously heading the new way of being Anglican since the time we broke with Rome. difference - when we broke with Rome it was a work done so that the people could learn, read, discuss and worship in freedom. Now we are moving back to dominated interpretation of Scripture and centralisation.

It marginalizes those Christ came to include. It is bigoted and medieval and seems also to be contradictory to itself. 'has “the
expectation that Scripture continues to illuminate and transform the Church and its
members, and through them, individuals, cultures and societies” (1.2.5)'

This screams to me of scenes of witches burnt at the stake or Africans or Chinese forced to change heathen ways. Through Scripture we will illuminate and transform ...
I am ashamed of it wholeheartedly and sad sad sad.

Lord God please do not be silent ....... draw a line in the sand and remind people of your silent words

I have stolen the image from a blogsite that again has given me strength.
the main strength is that there can be NO COVENANT when it moves ahead on the strength of fate. here is the link to the blog page thanks to Elizabeth Kaeton
and note the date april 2009. I had not even heard of this covenant until a few days ago and I am an active member of the church.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I feel now that God will not have to send me an email to get through!

I find sacredspace a great site so I am happy to use their image!

let God be God

it is so amazing to be a follower of an eternal yet personal God. I can sometimes feel the depth of wisdom and at others feel like a 10 year old struggling to understand how to even form my own sentences. I am sure my 10 year old forms them better than me as she is a wonderful daughter with gifts of word and my son is wonderful with thought.

But myself i am simple and long may it last!

As I mentioned earlier I have had to put aside the Bible really as I found no inspiration when trying to read. Of course I have led studies and such like which have meant I have had to study for that purpose but for my own personal learning and reflection and growth very little.

But once I settled this and accepted that this is where I am and God is still with me so what is God doing I have begun to blossom again. In a new way - actually in the way I needed to. Reflection and contemplation.

Before this period I would study and debate, learn and consider but now I think i am learning to let God be God and me be me.

hopefully that will allow God to use me!

so long since I wrote but I feel so much better. Still very tentative about life but perhaps this is just another step along the way - I think finding God amidst our busy lives sometimes takes for us to make focused decisions to stop and concentrate on various tasks or nothing at all.

Asher and i had a lovely journey up north, i slept and then he slept so not much talk but i think we needed it.

I can tell he is really nervous. For four years we have known God will get us through but now it does not feel like God is saying 'Your OK' just 'I am with you'. which is of course still mind blowingly awesome but now we have to also face the reality of more severe chemo if the biopsies come back with 'naughty cells'.

Where is God in all this? How do I reflect and find God at the fringes of our life?
It is amazing.
I honestly believe that in speaking openly and honestly about these things we are able to then turn to God and hear what ever he shares with us.

I recently watched the 'Big Silence' by the BBC. I found it amazing and would love to see a follow up. People took on silence for 8 days and the way this effected them was incredible. The one lady who kept herself at the centre of her meditations is the only one who came with herself still at the centre of her life. The others all opened themselves to the possibility of God (even though they had a healthy realistic vibe that the God business may not be real) and allowed Jesus a space to be there and they all came out more open, sensitive and changed people. I was really impressed that they did not come out stark raving mad Christians but realistic seeking open people who have a glimmer of having touched something awesome and eternal or unfathomable but real.

There is definately something about allowing ourselves to be open to hearing from God and that requires just bit of space and so with that my coffee made I am off for 10 mins silence before the kids get up with sore throats and chesty coughs!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

off to liverpool today as asher needs another biopsy and they hope to release his jaw so he can open it wider.

I feel nervous in life at the moment as our finances are bad, car broke, computer broke, bank broke!

Oh Lord help us learn to manage.

poor health poor finances and kids are not doing their best at school and i am not doing my best either. so poor us really.

anyway house to tidy that always remains the same!

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Lord is my strength and my shield.

Hear us, Shepherd of your people,
forgive us our sins
and, in a world of pretences,
make us true in heart and mind;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

I have begun to use the morning / evening prayer that the Archbishops site has set out (homepage -prayer -leftside prayers for the day)

It stuck me how the words resonate a thought that Rona and I have been mulling over that we need to reflect God. She met with a collegue who reminded her of this as he 'talked so passionately about Jesus’ love ' We had read a devotion by Oswold Chambers which encouraged “If a person attracts through his personality, that becomes his appeal. If, however, he is identified with the Lord Himself, then the appeal becomes what Jesus Christ can do. The danger is to glory in men, yet Jesus says we are to lift up only Him (see John 12:32).”

my prayer is exactly that of morning prayer but now I have such a different idea as I seek for my soul to yearn for God I really seek so that I may reflect Gods glory and love.
If my soul does not seek then I am lost. Turn the eyes of my soul and mind to you Lord.

O Lord, open our lips
Alland our mouth shall proclaim your praise.

Your faithful servants bless you.
AllThey make known the glory of your kingdom.

One or more of the following is said or sung:

this or another prayer of thanksgiving

Blessed are you, Sovereign God,
ruler and judge of all,
to you be praise and glory for ever.
In the darkness of this age that is passing away
may the light of your presence which the saints enjoy
surround our steps as we journey on.
May we reflect your glory this day
and so be made ready to see your face
in the heavenly city where night shall be no more.
Blessed be God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
AllBlessed be God for ever.

But before the close of prayer I must search and think about how to know the HOPE to which God calls and how to reflect that rather than simply speak about what God has done in the past rather I must look to the hope of Christ. Now the final prayer of the morning which in this light struck new cords.

I will sing for ever of your love, O Lord,
Allmy lips shall proclaim your faithfulness.
The heavens bear witness to your wonders;
AllI will sing for ever of your love, O Lord.
The assembly of your saints proclaims your truth;
Allmy lips shall proclaim your faithfulness.
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne;
steadfast love and faithfulness go before you.
AllI will sing for ever of your love, O Lord,
my lips shall proclaim your faithfulness.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

there is simply nothing I did to deserve or find Gods grace.

As I saw and understood and as I see and glimpse Gods grace there is never anything that i do that makes this clear rather God is there always and his grace is there always and his atonement is there always. My eyes and understanding glimpse this at times and it is a humbling and awesome experience.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Over the last 2 years perhaps longer I have really struggled with my prayer and bible reading. I would not say that I was a saint before this period in my life but I certainly felt closer to God. I certainly enjoyed reading Scripture and engaging with it. I certainly loved theology and digging deep.

During this time I have felt a null, a bored mind boggling silent attitude. My prayer has been one way and quick. I have found myself short of things to pray for within myself. I know there is the whole world to pray for but in my prayer time I have forgotten this and wondered off into lists of to do or people and happenings before realising that my time for prayer is gone and 'opps I forgot'.

Trying to reflect has been hard and trying to internalise what is going on or trying to move forward has been none productive.

I have found that just learning to allow what is happening to happen much more productive. So I have really just put aside trying to pray, put aside trying to read Scripture or study books. I have really just allowed myself to get on with life.

I think it has been hard and not much fun either. Having God in my daily life in a way that I feel is leading and blessing and reviving is fun and exciting.

But i feel now that this tide is changing direction and I am beginning to feel the deep ocean again. I have felt that I am on the beach just lapping up by the sand and now I am on the turn and perhaps this time I will experience the Mediterranean warm seas rather than the North sea which is perhaps where I have been up to this point!

oswold chambers Glory to Jesus the Son of God

I have totally copied the Oswold Chamber Devotion for today as it is so amazing. It speaks so clearly to me about how we as Christs ambassadors need to be so that the glory and message of God is given to people rather than how Gods ways are revealed in our lives. So much to say but I think this says it all>>>>>

The Christian worker has to be a sacred “go-between.” He must be so closely identified with his Lord and the reality of His redemption that Christ can continually bring His creating life through him. I am not referring to the strength of one individual’s personality being superimposed on another, but the real presence of Christ coming through every aspect of the worker’s life. When we preach the historical facts of the life and death of our Lord as they are conveyed in the New Testament, our words are made sacred. God uses these words, on the basis of His redemption, to create something in those who listen which otherwise could never have been created. If we simply preach the effects of redemption in the human life instead of the revealed, divine truth regarding Jesus Himself, the result is not new birth in those who listen. The result is a refined religious lifestyle, and the Spirit of God cannot witness to it because such preaching is in a realm other than His. We must make sure that we are living in such harmony with God that as we proclaim His truth He can create in others those things which He alone can do.
When we say, “What a wonderful personality, what a fascinating person, and what wonderful insight!” then what opportunity does the gospel of God have through all of that? It cannot get through, because the attraction is to the messenger and not the message. If a person attracts through his personality, that becomes his appeal. If, however, he is identified with the Lord Himself, then the appeal becomes what Jesus Christ can do. The danger is to glory in men, yet Jesus says we are to lift up only Him (see John 12:32).
A firends blog considered really the effect of the new culture in which we live and tried to understand 'where we went so wrong' as her title post declares. Here is her post and my response. I am posting here because this is just where I feel God is leading me to respond in the future through my ministry and so I want to remember these points and words.

Sunday was an exhausting day, and I only did half of what the vicar went on to do. However, the issue which arose for me was this:
We did a baptism (I say ‘we’ because I led the service and preached – 3 mins only and my vicar did the baptising bit) on Sunday after two services. There were about 120 people there, predominantly young – 20′s-ish folk. The couple weren’t married, and I imagine a lot of the young parents there weren’t also. When they arrived they wouldn’t come inside until the vicar went out and called them all in – despite it being past the time of the service. I was in a cassock alb, and clearly a ‘church’ person. Hardly any of them could meet my eye as they walked in and I handed them a book. Yet, probably 90% of them were wearing poppies.
So, as a group they understand to a certain extent doing something altruistic, even in the most minor sense. Doing something (such as buying a poppy) which is ONLY for someone else, and not something they will ever see a direct result of is a good thing. Yet the vast majority of them were so out of their comfort zone in a church. They didn’t know how to behave, whether we were going to be criticising, judging or exclusive, or just plain weird. The service went well, although the responses were almost inaudible, despite there being so many there and them all being urged to participate. The sermon was well received as I saw some people visibly soften when i talked about Jesus’ light shining through the darkness of death.
Yet it seemed so alien to them to have been there. They obviously love the couple so much that they were prepared to put themselves through that. It was a palpable experience of what the Pope keeps referring to now as “Aggressive secularism”. How did the world ever come to this? And what has the British Legion done to achieve its aim so successfully? Is there a ‘secret’ that the Church could use, an idea or focus that we could tap into so we have the same positive effect on people that Remembrance Sunday does? Rona

Fresh expressions of church really come in here as we encourage congregations to explore ways of telling people about God in places where they are. In the church I think we are providing people with a space where we can show a glimpse of Gods love. We are a people who have met God.
We attract people by revealing God. Its God job to meet them and we often never really know how or when that will be.
The British Legion is selling something while the church is offering a life style which demands action. I think people are so used to deciding now how they will live that buying a poppy is part of that choice while going to church is less of a choice than a whole lifestyle change.
You either dress in Gok style or you don’t. Its a bit similar. I think Gok style is ridiculous while others think it is stylish and fun. I would not be seen dead in Gok style unless in a drama!

Sunday, November 07, 2010

I now use my consider the way as this blog was more about what I am learning in the bible and over the past few years I have struggled to focus on my learning so have moved into reflection on my vocation instead. They should come hand in hand I know but it seems that I am learning something from my nothing!
interview today at westcott.

I was not going to try Ridley but now I think I will just to compare.

I wanted Westcott because it teaches liturgy and tradition which I feel God wants me to learn.

Lets see.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

For me, why a priest? Because I feel called to seek out ways of ensuring people understand what worship is, that they can worship in truth and wisdom. I feel God is calling me to share the mystery of the eucharist and build up the body of Christ in unity, power and peace with a vision to know and share the Gospel. I also feel God is calling me to create a space within the church that is open for people to explore and feel welcome; the church building should be a place used by people, a place they can come in and go out. The body of Christ – the church should be a people who welcome with loose hands, who support with a firm hold and who love with endless passion; and it is to this that the nation should be attracted.

Friday, November 05, 2010

this little excerpt really suprised me today. I am just shocked at two of the statements which really boggle my mind. 1. that women return love rather than love and that 2. salvation has anything to do with the importance or recognising the importance of femininity.

Here are just two excerpts from the article not bothering to suggest anyone reads it!

'Ferrara: According to John Paul, men and women were not created essentially the same. Masculinity and femininity are not just attributes; rather, the function of sex is a constituent part of the person. Men and woman both express the human but do so in different and complementary ways. Believe it or not, this was a radically new idea to me.

The differences between men and women lie in the way they express love for one another. Men have the more active role in the relationship: The husband is the one who loves while the wife is the one who is loved and, in return, gives love. True authority is exercised through service. As John Paul II says, "To reign is to serve."
The Catholic Church is one the few institutions, maybe the only one, left in the world that recognizes the importance of the feminine not only for the proper working of society but for our salvation'
I read on WestCott House website about being prepared for Mission in unfamiliar contexts. p6

The Cross and the Tomb are empty and so in many ways we sacrifice ourselves in ministry. We empty ourselves in giving to other sacrificially and we give our selves to others in service but my thought lies in the less easily grasped realisation that after Jesus rose from the grave he was seen with people confirming the scriptures, sharing the bread and wine, meeting with friends and being present in their daily lives.

And so it is essential our ministry is not only self emptying. It is essential that our ministry is fulfilling, sharing, alive and real.

today the readings of the lectionary communion service are taken from the passages of Phil 3 and Luke 16 ( i have gone for the whole passage as it spoke to me deeply)

As I read phil 3 i realised that it is by the Holy Spirit that we work for Christ and fulfill or are part of his ministry. So thus we must spend time being in and with the Holy Spirit and rest in the word and discover what Jesus is calling and saying to us this day that we might learn and be renewed. So our ministry is in the living God
who is touching, renewing and strengthening.
Then I see verse 10 of Phil 3
10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
somehow... somehow.....
and then the passage that has always spoken to me and I had forgotten when I pulled up the study in relation to my thoughts of earlier:
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

And on the side I just love Luke 16 such a spanner in the works!
off to an interview tomorrow for a college I am applying for.
I feel empty really as I think about it. I know I want to get things done for it in prep but I still focus on the house and getting the family sorted so things can run well here while I am out for the day.

Lord don't beat me up but take my hand and heart reach deep into my soul and teach me which way to go.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

I have finalised my evangelism and mission reflection:

Reflect on an aspect of mission and evangelism related to your own experience and to which you feel drawn as part of your calling.

I am very fortunate to have been involved in many churches due to our moving house and area a lot. I have been able to be part of many evangelistic efforts and seeing how they suit the place and the people they are reaching out to. I have also been able to see how different churches fulfil their mission to the local community or wider world. Each place also has its own micro socio-climate. This has taught me that each place is unique having its own way of being and therefore it is vital for us to listen and discover before acting. Rather than create mission strategies and evangelistic events we can learn to be a part of where God is and what is happening with a people or a place and thus build-up, encourage and enable.

I have found that in places where people pray as individuals and as whole fellowships there is an attitude of discovery to find out what God is up to; an attitude that is open to new things and new ways in which God is beginning to work. The church and organisations have ‘survived’ change and though we can find it threatening and difficult we need to embrace change with strategy, communication, enthusiasm and humility being led by God.

I have recognised that I am not content to settle with an evangelistic strategy just because it is working ok or some people are happy with what they are doing. If I can see ways for it to open out and become more then I begin to ask God and others if they can see ways for what is happening to accomplish more, if needed. When we lived in Wells, Somerset a twice monthly children’s craft and bible story evening worked really well. I felt however that somehow the parents needed to be engaged and so we began to offer coffee before the end so parents could come back and have a coffee while the children had the story read to them. This helped when the next holiday club came round as many more families attended the church service which ended the week. It also began to allow a space where bridges could be built which encouraged the parents to feel they were part of what was happening in the church.

Similarly when living in Cranbrook, Kent I was very privileged to be ask to lead a Pilgrims group which consisted of mostly older ladies and a couple of men. They were described to me as the underpinning of the church a group that had met for eight years. Just as I took over they had experienced dramatic change as members of their very stable group either moved or had died. A wonderful curate who had led them through a very difficult period of the churches life was also moving to a permanent role in another church which I think they had not thought possible. I was asked to pray about taking leadership of this group or the group would close. After sometime of praying with no real guidance I felt the only way I could know was if God gave me direction for the group and the purpose for their being.

Instantly I felt that the group needed to know it was alive. It had and they had a role to play in Gods church. They were the ones who could show others what it meant to live out our lives in service to God, carrying our cross for love and wisdom of God to be known in our community. To be the group who were able though they were old to be there and encourage others as they work to be involved and be humble with the wisdom of life of their side.

We spent another amazing year, helping out with costumes for the Christmas nativity, lent meals, imagine a 94 year old making a huge pot of soup, it was so exciting and encouraging for us all. God was at work in our daily lives, through our prayers and in our studies we learnt so much that the Word came alive at each meeting spurring us on that we are never too old to share and learn, the Scriptures are exciting, funny, challenging and always new.

When I left I was not worried that the group would be fearful of change because they had grown in God that year to a point of being expectant with a deep sense of trust and knowing God is in control lets see what and where He is leading.

Friday, October 29, 2010

I don't mean this picture as a political statement!

DDO meeting tonight. This is perhaps the last meeting I will have with my wonderful DDO. She is amazing and I really have appreciated her gentleness and warmness.

At the meeting we discussed spirituality and as mentioned in a earlier post (that i have begun to tag) God has led me to pastures new in this area and I feel free and open to what and where God is leading. I know i am going to be discovering much in this area.

We also discussed what it is to be a priest. The only real sentence i can forge from deep within myself is that I wish and feel I am part of a puzzle. the puzzle piece which will enable people to see that actually that fits and God is part of their puzzle and helps them to see the picture more.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

We are always searching and becoming. Growing and seeking just like a flower being watered and nurtured by the environment around us. We can trust the gardener to help us but we need to be strong and strain to find the sun. The harsher our environment the harder we need to push our way up to find the sun and the deeper our roots need to be buried so that we can find nutrition.

I thank God I have not had an easy life.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

house is clear and mima still got hold of superglue. Should I give up now!
I think this picture shows the best plan to keep her safe!

I know of a lady who put velcro the babies babygrow and the wall. It worked!

Monday, October 25, 2010

It is funny that over the last week I have really had a mountain top experience (oh well maybe not mountain top but perhaps wellies on and a jumping over a cow pat kind of experience) regarding my spirituality. I have come to point where I am at peace with where I am spiritually and I really look forward to embracing and moving forward in this.

I had always been reluctant to be 'established' where I feel comfortable as it is not only fashionable to be evangelical but it is also very hard to be immersed if you disagree with spirituality and theology with those around you if you are more 'traditional'.

not sure if I make sense but over the last 10 years i have found this really hard and have not found a way to build on the foundation or build a foundation where i feel God is leading me.

Well I think I feel a break through and find myself at last yearning for God in sundry places!
it has taken along time for me to think this through. If look down through my blog it was ages ago i began to think about spirituality and though I may read or question it comes a point when God seems to shift something inside me at the right time that I realise and can be aware of my own spirituality - to some extent.

In 4 days I meet my DDO for the last time to discuss all this. What apt timing. Such an amazing God. Thanks Lord.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I watched the Big Silence on bbc2 iplayer and TBH i found it hard to speak afterward. my husband and i just sat in silence

I have wanted to visit Beuno's in Wales. A friend of mine goes and says she can hear the noice as she passes down past Bristol to Wells our old home town.

As i look through images to find a picture that suits my feeling on silence I realise how frightening silence is to many. It is a painful torture in many ways. If you are abused you are often silenced through fear to reveal your pain. If you are angry or upset about something that others find acceptable you are silenced for fear of ridicule. If you have been bad you are sent the naughty corner where you are forced to be silent.

Silence can be such a negative that we become used to the thought that this is something that should be avoided. It is best to be busy so that the thoughts are not processed. Buried deep so that their noise has no resonance in our daily lives.

Friday, October 22, 2010

My Spiritual Director had asked me to reflect on the passage of mary and martha. Today I revealed to her that my reflections had led me to feel that mary and martha might reflect one person who on the one hand has control or needs control over everything and on the other has let go of the control.

We reflected that I feel the need to control things in my family life but always miss the mark. It does not seem to matter what I do things do not run the way I forge them out to. it is as if things fight against the very foundation of what I hope to achieve.

As I reflected she reminded me that I had said things felt much lighter at home as the house was clearer and getting sorted slowly. She wondered if perhaps half of this lightness might be that actually I had let go of the buttons and had relaxed about being in control.

I laughed at this point as I realised I had let go of the family and decided to just let them all do what they like and facilitate rather than try and get us to run as a family in the way I think a family should be. For example this evening we were going to have a sabbath but hubby took the shopping list and went shopping! I had hoped to just go in the morning all of us and have a coffee and cake as a family time together doing something different. but hey this is what I have let go of. But i have taken total control of the house. The lawn, the garage, the attic, next the finances and all the time the cleaning. I had tried to get the whole family to do a bit each.

So in some ways i have let go but I feel that in a sad way. But perhaps it is right. the out come is certainly that I have more time and I can now see a way of me being able to move forward and have time to study!

I need to pray it through more though as it feels so sad. But then God let his son go.
Baptism and communion are the two sacrements
Which hold particular prominence in Anglican church.

I feel a weight has been lifted as I have managed to get two things done and the house is clean. I just have to keep going. i got in from doing the Bible study last night and did the washing up, laundry organised my sons pack lunch for his trip the Naze today ... opps forgot to dry and iron my sons uniform! bye.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Being locked out did make me realise that this whole process is not me alone. A separate thing I have to do and realise and discover for myself. This is a process that is part of my life. It is just one of the things within a huge list of things to do.

I have my sister and mum coming over in an hour so hoping they will encourage me!
But perhaps a list of things I need to do will help me get a focus and get things done and acheived.

I have a messy house to clear.
An attic to organise.
A lot of stuff to take to the dump
Clothes to sell or charity shop run
Garden to cut
Outdoor areas to clean and clear
Bible Study to organise
BAP to prepare for
Brownie meetings to plan for
Play group to run
Older Kids to buy boots for
Older kids to take to clubs
Older kids homework and homeschool to organise
Older kids music practice to encourage
Baby needs interaction and groups
Advent Service play to organise
Bonfire eve to organise and buy fireworks

Sunday, October 10, 2010

I have been really busy in the community over the past few months and this has been really good in helping me realise that my hope is to be part of the puzzle in peoples lives. The part that enables and enlightens them to draw close to the Christ within themselves, the Christ who is there in this world to be with them.

Drawing people through sacraments and mysteries, discussions and even meeting them in their joy or pain.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

As I drove today it dawned on me that in obeying God in seeking my calling I find that the world becomes a clearer and wider place in which I live and work. I become more fulfilled and open and blessed. When I recognise my weaknesses and say I just can't do this my world actually becomes localised, small and actually very confused.

When I obey I feel like a tree in the middle of a field that can see all the trees and fields around - space and meaning in the world.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

simplicity in obedience
An interesting devotion from Oswald Chambers really made me smile within today.

' You cannot think through spiritual confusion to make things clear; to make things clear, you must obey. ' Arguments or Obedience Sep14 2010the simplicity that is in Christ. —2 Corinthians 11:3'

This made me smile because this is certainly one of the things that forges me onwards on this path towards ordination. When I am resisting the simplicity disappears and confusion enters. It does not matter that the path towards ordination is troublesome and complex as we have moved house so often or that we have had a baby or that asher has been through Cancer and by the grace of God coming through chemo and radio and operations.

All these complexities are zero in comparison to the complexities of resisting the call I feel God is drawing me to obey. And when I give in and obey I have a reassurance that all else will work out especially with a God who is in control.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I have realised something I think is always vital and I have misplaced over the years and i hope I can correct in my thoughts rather than just covering up.

My friendships have always been prayerful friendships. in other words I have always allowed God to guide whether a friendship would blossom rather than me pushing it. Of course this is fate also but with prayer it becomes a little more than that!

Relationships then have and are things that should bring us closer to God in their being but they should also enable us to in some way be more than we are.

So that is my thought...Jonathan and David were great friends and when i think of their friendship the spark that flies for me is that Jonathan sought out the best for his friend.

Another area I am really amazed at just now is that God is finally releasing me into a dawn light after a very long time of evening. I cannot really say it has been night, an over whelming darkness that has invaded every area of my life but it has certainly been a time of evening.

A time when I have felt unable, or too tired, to pray with all my soul. Too tired to read with all my energy. Too lazy to try.

I feel now that in the dawn light I am beginning to see a new world and I am not yet sure that the mists have lifted but I can see that it is good. It is a place that suits me and I hope that this new place will be a place that God and I will be able to share and enjoy.
I pray.

I found this prayer/song which really spoke to me that so many of us may enter places of darkness or wilderness and we may feel alone but we are always calling 'prepare a way for the Lord' and that in itself is a beautiful place to be.

In the lonely places
The wilderness
Where we stand forlorn
Windswept and alone
Your voice calls out
Prepare a way for the Lord

In the dark places
The shadows
Where we hide our fears
Embrace our tears
Your voice calls out
Prepare a way for the Lord

Read more at:
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Thank you to the commenter who pointed out to me that there are different aspects to friendship and so I have been thinking about this and realise that because we have moved so often (every two years) it has been easy for me to be part of peoples lives and to make a difference in peoples lives but it has been hard to get to a stage where we can enjoy each others company.

There are different aspects to relationships that I have to think through and I am sure this period of realising my weaknesses in friendships or feelings toward friendship will help me consider the whole issue more deeply.

I have had a few friends whose company I enjoy and i feel confident that they enjoy mine but it has been a few years since I have really just sat with a friend, had coffee with someone who I know enjoys my company.

But as my commenter also points out it is easy to over look blessings and as I think about each place we have lived I realise that there are people who have come and enjoyed my company

This has made me realise that actually a large part of my 'issue' is that I feel that people don't enjoy my company and that leads me to worry that I am a bit odd and maybe not very nice, likable or very 'oh my goodness poor thing'.

I can't think logically about this I think I just have to deal with the emotional side and think about reasons for my confidence being so low and then lay this before Jesus and ask that he heal and help.

I think when I go before the panel in Jan it is wiser that I have thought on a deep level about all this rather than go and hope I will hold myself together. I need to know myself through this pain and then be able to stand on the other side whoever or however that might be.. the thing is i have to allow myself the time to think and feel this through.
I am going to use a few of the things my commenter mentioned so thanks for that.

This picture depicts (to me) my friendships. Either I am the bird or at a different time I am the Ox. This makes me sad and I have to speak about relationships on Wednesday. Not sure I am up to it to be honest.

It feels to me that the I do not have friends that I am really clicked with and been able able to really just be and grow with. I pray God enables this to happen for me now as I really need it.

Friends I have had, who liked me for me and who did not use me - are people that my dearest did not like. But as he has just said he did like a few of my friends who I feel and felt did use me.

The problem has been that he has not liked my friends and so I have had to limit my friendship with them. This has had the effect that I am lonely in friendships. People I know I really would like to be friends with are usually older than me and therefore have friends their own age who they go out with for a meal or drink.

I feel really that I am too young in conversation and understanding to be friends with them. but there are not many people around who are similar to me. I do know one lass but only via internet and it is not really ever going to be a friendship as we do not live close to ever actually meet and become friends in a natural way.

as Ecclesiastes would say 'all is vanity'! or doomed doomed I tell yah!

Monday, September 06, 2010

The good old Guide Motto - Be Prepared.

Perhaps the simplest lesson I have learnt through this considering is that we should all be in a place that enables us to spend time with God. Listen to his Word, hear music that uplifts and teaches us, think and consider things through and leave them before God so that we can consider where God is in our lives, where He is guiding, prompting, aiding.

If we are able to do this then we can be prepared to do the things, be the people, share the thoughts of God with those we encounter.

My promise to myself and God is that until Advent I am going to spend 1hour a day in prayer, worship and reading.

My prayer that our Lord will help me and come alongside to enable me.


Saturday, September 04, 2010

What are you confident in?

This is a question that came up yesturday when I met my Spiritual Director. I lack confidence and this is such an issue that when I talk to people about my calling I feel terrible that I should even be daring to state these things as if they might be fact because somehow I am sure they will not believe me and will be looking and thinking of me as stupid and childish.

It is horrid to live with this but I have to keep plodding through and know that God will enable to deal with these things.

When I thought about the question I know I am confident in God but answer has risen others. So I won't begin that journey yet so I sidetrack to my logic...

I am confident in my gifts. I am good at being a pastor, I can meet with people and connect with them where they are. My life has not been a bed of flower petels more a bed of roses with the thorns attached so I am able to sympathise, empathise and encourage or build up.

I am good at seeing where God maybe and leading a way to be there. For example in a village we are now I hope that by beginning a playgroup we as a christian community maybe able to help families and network in new ways.

Interpreting scripture - which my SD said is teaching.


Then I realise that I am confident in things people have told me about myself that are true in an obvious way i.e they match my gifts so I can see that they have identified this. My parents have never encouraged me in things yet after leading a communion service they were excited that this is what I should be doing. This was it.

So I need to hold onto the things I am confident in. I would be wonderful if we could hold up a mirror before God and see our image as he see's us - well in part.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Learning to be Wise

Yes I am trying to learn to be wise. Praying for wisdom. Praying I learn when to speak and when to listen. Praying I learn to ask God and seek for glimpses of light before I reply or jump in.

I have so much to do now I need to really work on a TO DO list and then a priority list. It has been really hard for the last few months feeling so depressed and low of energy. I have not been able to do things and now I am behind by months on simple things of organising, cleaning, reading and writing/prep.

We are away for two nights from today so I am hoping the rest will enable me to come back refreshed and ready to rock and roll. I am only taking two books that I want to read so hopefully i will find time for those. But basically I want to be with the children and husband building our relationships and enabling us to work together more as a family team.

SO top of TODO list Family!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A friend wrote in her blog about 'to do lists' and I realised that this is just what I need. I do not get done all that I need to because I am so tired by the time I get to 'my time' that I collapse. I work through the day hoping the children will go to bed at 8 and I will then have two hours to work hard and get things done. But it never happens.

I am so grateful for others who help me realise things that I need to do. I so want to do well and acheive but I feel guilty doing things for myself.


I asked my wonderful husband the other week 'To make a real difference to benefit this world what would you really like to do'? His answer really shocked me. He said 'I would like to see you get through to be a Vicar, that would be something very very beneficial to the world'.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Reflecting this morning I recognise that I feel sad and disappointed in the Disciples of old. I feel that they did not do a good job in laying down the teachings of Jesus.
I feel that Jesus gave them a command which is also given to us but it is not an easy command to obey as we are at a loss, I feel, to understand wholly the teachings of Jesus.

I must study more and I pray the Holy Spirit will teach me and guide me.

Todays Morning Prayer - psalm 119 helps me realise that it is the attitude of our heart, the mind of our soul and the obedience of our selves that the love of Christ is known in our lives.

O deal with your servant according to your faithful love.

105Your word is a lantern to my feet •
and a light upon my path.

106I have sworn and will fulfil it, •
to keep your righteous judgements.

107I am troubled above measure; •
give me life, O Lord, according to your word.

108Accept the freewill offering of my mouth, O Lord, •
and teach me your judgements. R

109My soul is ever in my hand, •
yet I do not forget your law.

110The wicked have laid a snare for me, •
but I have not strayed from your commandments.

111Your testimonies have I claimed as my heritage for ever; •
for they are the very joy of my heart.

112I have applied my heart to fulfil your statutes: •
always, even to the end. R

113I hate those who are double-minded, •
but your law do I love.

114You are my hiding place and my shield •
and my hope is in your word.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A friend of mine has left to go to Trinity Bristol for his ordination course. I do hope he blogs so that we can follow how he is doing and what he is doing.
I have taken the drastic decision that i must study greek and hebrew so that if I am put forward then i am making life easier.

Lord take my heart and let it be always and forever consecrated
Lord take my eyes and may they see where you are at work
Lord take my thoughts and bless them. Help me to know more of you and be wise.

Monday, August 16, 2010

This article was posted in the Guardian

'last week's announcement that Anne Rice was to "quit being a Christian" while remaining committed to Christ made me smile. Rice made the annoucement on Facebook:

"In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen"

Amen indeed. Reading her statement, I felt a wave of smug pleasure reserved for those who feel they've been proven right'

People seem so confused about faith, religion, doctrine etc.

shame. I wonder what angered her enough to break out in such a way. She must be feeling very insecure spiritually and I pray that she does hold on to Christ. That in holding onto Christ she finds all that she desires.

I am thinking through 'Rule of Life'. As I am thinking about this I am realising that perhaps each one of us can think about our lives and what it is we feel God is calling us to deepen or become more methodical in doing. It maybe prayer but it maybe serving others. Then how to make this most productive, so it needs to be realistic. And finally letting it become so part of your life that it sinks to the depths of your motion so that it can be something that which is a base line from which further growth can blossom

Friday, August 13, 2010

It was ashers birthday yesturday and thankfully I still felt good and so we managed to finish tidying the house and baked a cake. Well actually my daughter baked a cake. Such an amazing child. So beautiful and caring, accomplished and determined. She did such an amazing job and when the cake would not turn out (as I had left the baking cake tins at a friends house she had to use a hugh roasting tin!) we simple made a fantastic cake with cream and icing in the form of tirimisu.
Our son made a fantastic card and left space for us to sign which we all did and he very proudly handed it to his dad. He is great at drawing and very funny always joking and making us laugh. He always tries his best and succeeds. I am very proud of my two big babies. Yesturday they helped me so much with joy and love. I could not ask for a lovelier place to have been.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Mission in unfamiliar contexts.

The Cross and the Tomb are empty and so in many ways we sacrifice ourselves in ministry. We empty ourselves in giving to other sacrificially and we give our selves to others in service but my thought lies in the less easily grasped realisation that after Jesus rose from the grave he was seen with people confirming the scriptures, sharing the bread and wine, meeting with friends and being present in their daily lives.

And so it is essential our ministry is not only self emptying. It is essential that our ministry is fulfilling, sharing, alive and real.
I am listening to Ave Maria and todays I read psalm 73. How Apt.

Ave maria was written for the 'The Lady of the Lake' Sir Walter Scott.

The whole feel of the song is one of a child calling out in need of answered prayer.

In Psalm 73 one can hear the reality of Davids plea to know God within him as he faces the presures and powers of mankinds sins before him.

Is it not a presure we are all too aware of ourselves in this modern age were we are all able to live as kings.

Those who provide our food and entertainment often suffer greatly for our demands. We do not see them and so are not bothered. We live just as kings.

Those who are sacrificed to provide us provide us with these things live unnoticed by us and we ease our conscience by buying Fair trade or such. We live as gods.

And then just as David recognises in this Psalm at points we awaken and our hearts are aware. We recognise ourselves before God. The whole psalm is an amazing in look to Davids life with other kings and dignitories and then his recognition that if God is within your spirit, guiding your life then you have such love and peace.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Monday, August 09, 2010

I have had a awful cold for the last few days and it is just shifting today though I feel awful and need to get things sorted for a midsummer service we are having in Caldecote each week of August.

I am sure no one will come especially since I have been too ill to get posters out.

I feel terrible but hope that word of mouth will get a few people in. These things never attact people though as people forget.

Lord remind them!!

Sunday, August 08, 2010

I love these verses. 'Wash and make yourselves clean' then 'Come let us reason together'. They remind me of our call in Deut 11 to speak of these things to our children. discuss before breakfast and as we walk.

Be inspired

Isaiah 1:
16 wash and make yourselves clean.
Take your evil deeds
out of my sight!
Stop doing wrong,
17 learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed. [a]
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow.
18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;

Friday, August 06, 2010

It is so hard to struggle through life if you find bringing up children more of a chore than a blessing.

How to find the balance and create a healthy focus?

Sacrifice is something most people are prepared to do but after a while or with a new turn of events sacrifice becomes too much of a burden which limits all those involved.

How to turn sacrifice into something manageable and healthy is my thought.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

This is a picture from a page on the Westcott College Cambridge Site. As I looked at it I began to realise how 'alien' our 'rituals' must be to onlookers. I began to recognise that actually people may well not look at us a laugh anymore that we are partaking in these strange rituals. I think now they are so alien people look on in as much interest or disinterest as they would if Hindu's or some other faith were performing a ritual in public, i.e Diwali.

It did make me think about how our children feel.

Kids struggle with being different. This is something many kids have to face and recognise eventually that we are all different. It is impossible to 'fit in' unless those you are with accept you for YOU.

My thoughts this morning are on how we can enable our kids to be strong in themselves and know that people look on at them to discover who they are so it is best to discover just that.

So how can you discover who you are?
join clubs that do things you are interested in

Enjoy the company of friends who really do accept you and all the strange things you think and do!!

Talk to parents and people who live with you and want the best for you.

Think. Using your brain to consider all sorts of things helps you to grow and learn more about all that you can do.

I am sure that there are more and hope to get others from friends who may have suggestions.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning"

This verse has jumped out of the pages today and it kind of fulfills a set of verses that I have been getting over a few years. I have decided to use this space to collate them. with my own thoughts in bold. The verses related underneath.

Luke 12:35 "Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning

the following verses were coming to me a couple of years ago and then they were given by another friend and strangely (as these things go) were the verses on the Wed Communion the following but one day. I recognised that God had our lives in his hands and though we were not staying in one place long we had to follow and be ready for any move and trust that He has our lives in his plan.... there is a purpose and His purpose will be upheld if we trust.

Luke 9
The Cost of Following Jesus
57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."
58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

59He said to another man, "Follow me."
But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

60Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

61 Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family."

62Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

From the following verses I had felt that God was saying to me have focus Rosanna. I am the focus. But I did not realise at that time that having the baby would put such a pressure on me and I would this last year and a half loose my focus. Not in my mind or thoughts or heart, no God and our Lord Jesus have become ever more my focus in my daily thoughts... continual. But in my soul, my spirit. here I have found a real battle and struggle which I lost. I feel (perhaps I am wrong) that no man can win the battle in the sould and spirit this a place for the Lord to win and kindle. And that is why I know my focus had gone in these deep places.

Luke 10

At the Home of Martha and Mary
38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

the parables about using the talents God has entrusted to you has been 'in my face' so to say for a good few weeks now and I wondered why. Yesterday again I put the radio on a christian channel and the parable of the talents came on with a commentary. 'throughout luke these parables are placed after a teaching about salvation. We are being warned to use our talents not only be thankful for our salvation'.

I have to face the fact that God has called me and unless I obey I am stifled. I feel like a useless candle.

These and others from luke similar are those that had kept prodding my conscience though I was unsure why fully... strange how some things just do not fully come to our understanding until the right time.

Luke 12

42The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.

47"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Now I know that the Spirit is within kindled and my soul is alight with excitement and desire. my mind is eager and listening. my strength is focused and directed. Gods warning is heeded and just as in the parable about the fig tree which had not been tended I pray that God will be my farmer and I will be the tree. let it be.

Luke 13

1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish."
6Then he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. 7So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?'

8" 'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. 9If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.' "

Luke 12Watchfulness
35"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, 36like men waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him. 37It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. I tell you the truth, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them. 38It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the second or third watch of the night. 39But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. 40You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."
41Peter asked, "Lord, are you telling this parable to us, or to everyone?"

Monday, August 02, 2010

I am feeling really low this morning. Arrived home and having to unpack, clean, sort things out and reduce rubbish, keep kids happy and help them to want to study during the holidays, mind the baby and keep her in a routine that will enable me to do things after the holiday, cook, shop, plan for DDO meeting in a month and spiritual direction meeting un booked as I have noone to help me look after the children while I go, Bible Study and prayer time, Reflection on things that I wanted to write about....
then chatting to Dearest One as I took a bath to relax from getting mighty upset with the kids for not helping look after baby while I cleaned up kitchen after cooking.... he says 'oh you lucky thing, work is horrid'... ahhhhh I wish I was at work.
full stop
moaning over now off to pray and study then the rest.
todays readings

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Today I visited the church my sister in law attends, when she is able to go to church.

I went with the question posed by the DDO 'What is happening as the Priest presides at Communion?'.

It was amazing and perhaps not relevent to the question but what happened will remain with me forever in what ever ministry God is calling me to.

I moved forward and sat with a lady who was alone. She is in her 80s I expect and as we whispered to each other I could tell how blessed she was at my keeping her company. She stood for some of the songs and the creed and for communion which was brought for her in her chair as she does not go forward. It was obvious that my sitting with her had given her the courage and joy to stand and I was so touched by this. The JOY of coming along side and bringing community, love and joy is deep and unfathomable.

In a perfect world the Priest is standing there with all those who cannot, being a support to them, and hence when taking communion out to those who are no longer able to get to church is just an extension of that presence at the Lord's table.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

we are having a lovely weeks break at Ashers sisters house in liverpool. It has been suprisingly relaxed. Perhaps because I am absolutely exhausted or an answer to prayers we have not spent the whole time cleaning and tidying as usual. I have found myself just playing with the children and enjoying them enjoying each other. a good time had by all.

amidst this peace I have actually been able to spend time thinking and what a feeling of freedom that is. I almost do not know how to begin thinking and retaining my thoughts. But they are there!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The depth of God is so incredible.

Confidence is one issue that has come up in this during this process. I am confident and outgoing but underneith I have real issues that I am going to upset others, that i am going to ruffle feathers, that am going to disturb others in someway. I know this is because Ihave tried to be myself and found that others are unable to cope and so Ihave retracted and am always careful around people.

I put others first and hide myself. In doing that I have lost 'understanding and knowing' myself.

I have been so relieved that I feel more secure about myself and this has led in turn to me considering where God is at work in me at the moment. I am so often busy looking at where God is present in others or in the community that I never think of myself in that equation.

This is why I say God is so incredibly deep. There are different levels in that depth and I feel I have been splashing about onthe top and as I had been a deep sea diver it was fustrating that I felt my tools did not allow me to go deeper into the water.

I now feel that rather than equipment I am learning a new style of swimming in the deep sea. I feel I am learning 'free range' swimming. I don't know what you would call it in technical terms but that is the best explanation i can give.