Sunday, January 31, 2010

When we were studying the messianic message of the gospel (I suppose that is what it would be) we discovered that the law is not as dead as we might have been taught or rather, as we have not been taught the law, we are not in a position to understand the blessing that the law is to us and rather than it being dead it is made alive through Christ who has made its meaning live rather than being a dead law that kills.

I know that I could be hung drawn and quartered for this thought but the truth is that though I do not know the law or practice it I do understand that if I learnt it, it would be a blessing to me rather than a dead instrument that would lead me to know that I am in sin.

I am leaving this post at that as this is such an essential part of my learning that it would be spoilt to add anything else.

Friday, January 29, 2010

I have been struggling to get the house tidy and kept clean and clear so that my husband will be able to feel that there is nothing for us all to moan about after his treatments for cancer. Today I just want to collapse and do my own thing. I want to get done all the study that is rushing through my mind and I want to do all the preparation for my meeting with the DDO in a couple of weeks.

Running a house I wonder how on earth I will be able to actually be out at meetings and services and praying with people and sorting parish paper work and organising people and preparing for sermons and talks and all the other fly by the hoof stuff that will come up when running a parish... I can only say thankfully that is not for another few years!

Someone asked me this week why I felt called to ordination and you know I wish I could give a really succinct and meaningfully deep answer that made me more than others go 'ohhhh yes of course'! but of couse it is not like that for me and those 'wow' moments that I could speak of would probably make people go 'uhhh' rather than 'ohhh'. It always seems to make me sad though and I wish I could just discover what or why that is. sigh.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I was reading today in a blog about the date of christmas. I am so thankful that I have been givent he opportunity to explore Messianic judaism as I feel that the festivals have explained and answered alot for me on the dates and timing of things.

I have read that Jesus was born during hte festival of the tabernacles as this is when the Jews camped outside in rememberance of their journey from Egypt. It is interesing that Jesus was taken to Egypt after his birth.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

2 Cor 3: 6

This is the beginning of my gospel. What is the gospel? Here it begins.

I hate actually glib gospel quotes 'christ came to save dah dah dah' I know I could be burnt at the stake but somehow these words just seem to run like water in a smooth stream washing straight over the stream plants that have grown accustomed to the direction of the water.

My mind always turns at the question 'what is your gospel message' I suppose it turns to Christ and asks afresh each time 'well, what is it you were trying to say to those early followers?'

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I have not been able to write as we have been very busy trying to get used to a new routine as my husband starts his chemo and radio.

They have decided to do both together as the chemo weakens the cells that the radio is burning off. I admit I know very little about it so my words may not be the best description!

It was amazing that on Monday I said to my dh on our way home from hospital
'if you consider all the blessings God has given us in this time of you being unwell it is like opening a treasure box and all the blessings are there like treasure. So when you feel low just open that box and see what God has done and if you need more just reach out because God has promised you he is with you and you can see he is so look out for the next blessing. Just keep that treasure box near to hand.'

Ashers mum has come to stay with us and she said to me on Tuesday
'Rosanna, I had a strange picture in my prayer, in my mind. It was a box and when we lifted the lid the children were in it (our three children). I was so suprised and scared that they would suffocate. What is the meaning of this I don't know'

I answered her what I had said to Asher and she said but what about the children?
They are his biggest blessing.

Oh we were so amazed. Asher is so delighted to have had our third child and says that she is given from God to help him through this time and keep him laughing and smiling as she is so funny.

So thanks be to God for dreams and interpretation.
I love you Lord, AMEN

Thursday, January 21, 2010

THis evening I went to a homegroup where a mother of one of the people in the group had been healed from MS.
It was lovely to hear her speak and she was very realistic and honest.

I am always very sceptical as I have heard many speakers who exagerate and eventually end up lieing about healing. But this ladies experience seems to back up the Biblical healings I find where people turn to God in their healing... It is in healing that God is glorified. this ladies husband had not believed in God and was so turned to God through the whole experience that he now leads homegroups etc...

I am glad I heard her story and praise God for another chance to worship and know his love and power.

good night.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Pseudo You

Today i read a post on a random site I found where the author discussed his trying to push out of his shell and start being himself. he discussed how many people live as pseudo selves rather than being themselves for fear.

I think that rather than living as a pseudo me I live as a half me. I am not fulfilled as I only have time and energy to live as one part of me. In this instance I think that we need to discover how to express our whole selves through what we are able to do with the limits and restrictions that constrain us.

I want to live for God and my whole being serves God each day as I go about my daily chores. i find these chores mundane and often hopeless but I know that in doing them God can be not only glorified but also made known through what I do and this is what inspires me to keep going to the best of my ability.

I know that I need to push through though and find the time and strength to develop myself more so that I have more to offer.
A comment that I found great on the blog is:
Our success was stolen by our own twisted idea that our uniqueness was a liability, not an asset.
to clarify this within my own thinking:
God has made us unique and called us to be who we are. Our uniqueness is not a liability is is an asset. I think that we often become doubtful of our uniqueness, worth and ability when others do not encourage or accept us often due to their own weakness.

It is time for us all to begin seeing ourselves as God sees us and then we can see others as God sees them.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Spending time with people.
Being there for people.
Always holding people before God and God before people.
Always being a step back and allowing thought and reason to form in the forefront of conversation and action.

This is vital when we actually desire to make a difference as an ambassador for Christ.

We are learning to be highly paid members of a nation for whom we are always on duty.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I am thinking about relationships and one of the first things that comes to mind is the issue of boundaries.

I am someone that needs to learn how to set boundaries and stick to them so I thought I would do a bit of research. This is what I have come up with.

This info is taken from a page by

They discuss Visible & Invisible Boundaries / physical & emotional:

•physical limits are marked by our skin.
•emotional limits by ~ age, roles, our relationships with those around us, our requirements for safety, our choices about how we want to be treated.

I set my physical boundary by choosing:

•who can touch me.
•how and when I am touched.
•I decided how close I'll let people come to me.
•Because I have a reverse gear as well as forward, I can back away from someone who invades my personal zone.

I set my emotional boundary by choosing how I'll let people treat me:

•set limits on what people can say to me;
•healthy, safe expressions of anger, or even rage by people I'm close to are very acceptable;
•inappropriate anger from an inappropriate person is not;
•I determine the range of personal comments I'll accept from others;
•stop sexual comments or remarks from men, e.g., sexist or racist jokes;

This is of course really obvious but I think being reminded and sometimes hearing this for the first time can be 'awakening'. In placing this within the issue of setting boundaries I can use it to think clearly how I can practically set boundaries and be polite but firm in telling people what I will and will not accept.

I also found this comment from joy2meu which I think is helpful on many levels:
The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

I find this interesting because as we let go of outcomes we are actually allowing God to be in charge of outcomes. As caring Christians I think we often hope to 'be Christ' as we help are are part of peoples lives. But it becomes unhealthy because actually we are not setting boundaries and feel guilty if we try to set boundaries. Holding on to the fact that our boundaries need to be set for God to be able have control of the outcome is perhaps a just way of understanding the bigger picture.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Thursday eve Bible study group went really well. It started with a meal and then was led by Chris who made the point that we all belong as part of a community with wider interests but with the Cross as our focus.

Many of the group have lived in the area for a long time and many are part of groups like the wine making club.

I am leading in a couple of weeks as it is about relationships.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Neil Diamonds 'Pretty Amazing Grace' is a song used at this evenings bible study for christians in our village. The evening brought me to a point where I felt Gods amazing grace and knew that thought I may feel inadequate God loves and that is that. It is his story in my life and the hope and grace he gives that draws me on and offers peace and resurrection.

It is interesting that for me this does not come only in some after life dream but in the doing of Gods will in my life here and now.
I can honestly say I am one of those who finds the idea of heaven a bit remote and the idea of salvation and the promise of eternal life uninspiring. Perhaps this is fatally wrong of me and I will be repremanded later on in life. But I know that the call of God in my present day is so strong and that the desire I have to discover God in my life so real that I actually find that enough for me.

I hate being corny but I think very often Christians are! just like when you say 'I love you' to your partner. It maybe cheesy but somehow there are no other words that hit the spot and sometimes you just have to say it like it is.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Today I read about a woman who drove with an 80 yr old pensioner stuck to her windscreen after running her over in Tokyo. When the police arrived at her home after the 23 yr olds boyfriend called in the incident they found the body still attached to the windscreen. the girl said she was so shocked that she did not know what to do.

This has finalised a few thoughts I have had recently about films and IT games which I am sure I do not need to verbalise! Life is just unreal it seems and our reactions in the real world are not as sane or quick as for many they are in games.

Nough said!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Today I have struggled to get all the jobs done in the house and then caring for the baby and my son homeschooling I sit down this evening and reflect in my prayers how little I manage to read Scripture or literature now. I am sure this is how it is for many many people who really want to read but just find that time eludes and by bedtime the eyes fail, the mind is vacant and the heart is weak indeed.

But I must struggle to get a routine going again where no matter what I read at bedtime. So i am going to print of the weeks readings and put them in my bible by my bed and see if that helps. I usually make the excuse that I don't have the readings and iam too tired to study read.

Well here is my hope and and I hope it will be a race I win!
Today remembers Mary Slessor.

Being names Africa's miricle and White Ma she was and is an inspiration to me that if we know our Scripture and lean on the strength and love of God our lives can poured out in a productive way for the Gospel.

I have copied this from: hyperhistory website

The 39 years Mary spent with the people of different regions of Calabar were filled with excitement, disappointment, horror, and joy. Even though she was only 5 feet tall, she stood up to many warriors, chiefs, witch doctors, and murderers. Her adventures varied from healing hundreds of people (including chiefs), rescuing prisoners and/or slaves and wives from being murdered, saving and caring for countless children and babies, witnessing to the most frightening tribes, settling many disputes among tribes and neighbors, assisting chiefs in decisions for their tribe, and sometimes just looking a tribal person in the face and telling them about the love of God. Mary Slessor died, at age 67, January 13th, 1915, of a jungle disease. Her daughter Janie and all her other “children” were there to comfort her. Like Paul (2 Tim. 4:6-8), her life had been poured out for the sake of the gosple.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I went to chat with Mike our Vicar and the discussion was really good.

We are on a level with many thoughts which is great because he has lots to teach me and I think as he is a teacher and obviously can communicate well i am going to learn loads. I hope I can just keep quiet enough for him to talk! I think I will once I am past the initial 'Oh I think that too' stage!

importantly we discussed what I might do in the church and what I feel God is calling me to long term.

I feel what we discussed revealed that Mike is definately a daring man as he asked me to preach in the church on one of the weeks that lay members preach. Hahahaha.

Well I am thinking of doing a date in March and so from now on I will probably be devoting my time to reading around the verses of that sunday! no I promise myself I will not.

But now my diary gets busy. So Lord I devote myself to listening and keeping a watch out for your guidance.

Saturday, January 09, 2010

I got really mad today and now I realise that I have the patience of a baby when it comes to people listening. What to do? I think I just have to learn to give up before I get angry!

It reminds me that there is so much in life to do and we so often slide through life hoping it will all be ok. But unless you do it yourself ... you know the saying. Bummer but true so here is me for today just being aggravated. Any lessons to learn? No i am just mad!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

I am thinking about Humanism stemming from conversations. It is coupled with thoughts that have been running in my mind about what is it that makes someone not see Christ or begin to seek God. OK we can say that God begins to work within someone and they then begin to seek, but what about this notion that Christ is within all.

Big thoughts but they must surely be grappled with.

The sermon this week made me think about this more:

We live in a world which is 'hard soil' Many have lost faith.

Dishonour, Disrespect, Discord, Disdain.
God offers
favour, acceptance, Happiness, Peace.

A humanist perspective is to respect others so then the meaning and application of the word respect needs to be challenged and upheld because for me respect means to build someone up.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

I am beginning to think about the question I was asked to research using the thoughts of others. What are the strengths and weaknesses of the church of england.

It comes as no suprise that many consider its strength to also be its weakness.

Its openness to all weakens its knowledge of who or what it is. (put simply)
Heated by the Spirit of God

Our heating has been broken now for about a week perhaps longer and it is freezing. We can get heating if we empty the water tank.

The cold water tap for the bath has also broken. So this means that to run a bath we fill it with hot water, leave it for about an hour and then it gets to the right temperature to be used! This suits needing to empty the tank for the heating to kick in as one bath and a sink of water, for the washing up, empties the tank. So this morning found me running a bath at 5.45 so that the heating would kick in and as I turned my attention to the kitchen sink I realised how similar this is to us humans with the heat of the Spirit of God.

If we are feeling void of the Spirit of God there is a dimension of us which feels a chill where worship and prayer usually is. For many in this word this is fine especially if we do not believe in God. But for those of us for whom God is a key player and a tangible reality living with out this amazing dimension in our lives creates a void which is uncomfortable.

Perhaps we need like our heating system to empty the tank of water so that the heating system can kick in again. Perhaps we are too busy or perhaps we have not realised that we are not desiring to be moulded and recreated by God. Perhaps we need to seek or ask.

What ever it may be as for me over this last few weeks or months I pray others who are in this same strange and uncomfortable space will find ways to move forward and rediscover the Spirit.