Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Over the last 2 years perhaps longer I have really struggled with my prayer and bible reading. I would not say that I was a saint before this period in my life but I certainly felt closer to God. I certainly enjoyed reading Scripture and engaging with it. I certainly loved theology and digging deep.

During this time I have felt a null, a bored mind boggling silent attitude. My prayer has been one way and quick. I have found myself short of things to pray for within myself. I know there is the whole world to pray for but in my prayer time I have forgotten this and wondered off into lists of to do or people and happenings before realising that my time for prayer is gone and 'opps I forgot'.

Trying to reflect has been hard and trying to internalise what is going on or trying to move forward has been none productive.

I have found that just learning to allow what is happening to happen much more productive. So I have really just put aside trying to pray, put aside trying to read Scripture or study books. I have really just allowed myself to get on with life.

I think it has been hard and not much fun either. Having God in my daily life in a way that I feel is leading and blessing and reviving is fun and exciting.

But i feel now that this tide is changing direction and I am beginning to feel the deep ocean again. I have felt that I am on the beach just lapping up by the sand and now I am on the turn and perhaps this time I will experience the Mediterranean warm seas rather than the North sea which is perhaps where I have been up to this point!

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