so long since I wrote but I feel so much better. Still very tentative about life but perhaps this is just another step along the way - I think finding God amidst our busy lives sometimes takes for us to make focused decisions to stop and concentrate on various tasks or nothing at all.

Asher and i had a lovely journey up north, i slept and then he slept so not much talk but i think we needed it.

I can tell he is really nervous. For four years we have known God will get us through but now it does not feel like God is saying 'Your OK' just 'I am with you'. which is of course still mind blowingly awesome but now we have to also face the reality of more severe chemo if the biopsies come back with 'naughty cells'.

Where is God in all this? How do I reflect and find God at the fringes of our life?
It is amazing.
I honestly believe that in speaking openly and honestly about these things we are able to then turn to God and hear what ever he shares with us.

I recently watched the 'Big Silence' by the BBC. I found it amazing and would love to see a follow up. People took on silence for 8 days and the way this effected them was incredible. The one lady who kept herself at the centre of her meditations is the only one who came with herself still at the centre of her life. The others all opened themselves to the possibility of God (even though they had a healthy realistic vibe that the God business may not be real) and allowed Jesus a space to be there and they all came out more open, sensitive and changed people. I was really impressed that they did not come out stark raving mad Christians but realistic seeking open people who have a glimmer of having touched something awesome and eternal or unfathomable but real.

There is definately something about allowing ourselves to be open to hearing from God and that requires just bit of space and so with that my coffee made I am off for 10 mins silence before the kids get up with sore throats and chesty coughs!