It is funny that over the last week I have really had a mountain top experience (oh well maybe not mountain top but perhaps wellies on and a jumping over a cow pat kind of experience) regarding my spirituality. I have come to point where I am at peace with where I am spiritually and I really look forward to embracing and moving forward in this.

I had always been reluctant to be 'established' where I feel comfortable as it is not only fashionable to be evangelical but it is also very hard to be immersed if you disagree with spirituality and theology with those around you if you are more 'traditional'.

not sure if I make sense but over the last 10 years i have found this really hard and have not found a way to build on the foundation or build a foundation where i feel God is leading me.

Well I think I feel a break through and find myself at last yearning for God in sundry places!
it has taken along time for me to think this through. If look down through my blog it was ages ago i began to think about spirituality and though I may read or question it comes a point when God seems to shift something inside me at the right time that I realise and can be aware of my own spirituality - to some extent.

In 4 days I meet my DDO for the last time to discuss all this. What apt timing. Such an amazing God. Thanks Lord.

I watched the Big Silence on bbc2 iplayer and TBH i found it hard to speak afterward. my husband and i just sat in silence

I have wanted to visit Beuno's in Wales. A friend of mine goes and says she can hear the noice as she passes down past Bristol to Wells our old home town.

As i look through images to find a picture that suits my feeling on silence I realise how frightening silence is to many. It is a painful torture in many ways. If you are abused you are often silenced through fear to reveal your pain. If you are angry or upset about something that others find acceptable you are silenced for fear of ridicule. If you have been bad you are sent the naughty corner where you are forced to be silent.

Silence can be such a negative that we become used to the thought that this is something that should be avoided. It is best to be busy so that the thoughts are not processed. Buried deep so that their noise has no resonance in our daily lives.

My Spiritual Director had asked me to reflect on the passage of mary and martha. Today I revealed to her that my reflections had led me to feel that mary and martha might reflect one person who on the one hand has control or needs control over everything and on the other has let go of the control.

We reflected that I feel the need to control things in my family life but always miss the mark. It does not seem to matter what I do things do not run the way I forge them out to. it is as if things fight against the very foundation of what I hope to achieve.

As I reflected she reminded me that I had said things felt much lighter at home as the house was clearer and getting sorted slowly. She wondered if perhaps half of this lightness might be that actually I had let go of the buttons and had relaxed about being in control.

I laughed at this point as I realised I had let go of the family and decided to just let them all do what they like and facilitate rather than try and get us to run as a family in the way I think a family should be. For example this evening we were going to have a sabbath but hubby took the shopping list and went shopping! I had hoped to just go in the morning all of us and have a coffee and cake as a family time together doing something different. but hey this is what I have let go of. But i have taken total control of the house. The lawn, the garage, the attic, next the finances and all the time the cleaning. I had tried to get the whole family to do a bit each.

So in some ways i have let go but I feel that in a sad way. But perhaps it is right. the out come is certainly that I have more time and I can now see a way of me being able to move forward and have time to study!

I need to pray it through more though as it feels so sad. But then God let his son go.

Baptism and communion are the two sacrements
Which hold particular prominence in Anglican church.

I feel a weight has been lifted as I have managed to get two things done and the house is clean. I just have to keep going. i got in from doing the Bible study last night and did the washing up, laundry organised my sons pack lunch for his trip the Naze today ... opps forgot to dry and iron my sons uniform! bye.

I FEEL SO TIRED COS I GOT LOCKED OUT YESTURDAY AND SORTED SOME OF GARDEN AND FRUIT AND GARAGE CLEARED. BUT NOW I REALLY FEEL DULL.

Being locked out did make me realise that this whole process is not me alone. A separate thing I have to do and realise and discover for myself. This is a process that is part of my life. It is just one of the things within a huge list of things to do.

I have my sister and mum coming over in an hour so hoping they will encourage me!
But perhaps a list of things I need to do will help me get a focus and get things done and acheived.

I have a messy house to clear.
An attic to organise.
A lot of stuff to take to the dump
Clothes to sell or charity shop run
Garden to cut
Outdoor areas to clean and clear
Bible Study to organise
BAP to prepare for
Brownie meetings to plan for
Play group to run
Older Kids to buy boots for
Older kids to take to clubs
Older kids homework and homeschool to organise
Older kids music practice to encourage
Baby needs interaction and groups
Advent Service play to organise
Bonfire eve to organise and buy fireworks

I have been really busy in the community over the past few months and this has been really good in helping me realise that my hope is to be part of the puzzle in peoples lives. The part that enables and enlightens them to draw close to the Christ within themselves, the Christ who is there in this world to be with them.

Drawing people through sacraments and mysteries, discussions and even meeting them in their joy or pain.

As I drove today it dawned on me that in obeying God in seeking my calling I find that the world becomes a clearer and wider place in which I live and work. I become more fulfilled and open and blessed. When I recognise my weaknesses and say I just can't do this my world actually becomes localised, small and actually very confused.

When I obey I feel like a tree in the middle of a field that can see all the trees and fields around - space and meaning in the world.

simplicity in obedience
An interesting devotion from Oswald Chambers really made me smile within today.

' You cannot think through spiritual confusion to make things clear; to make things clear, you must obey. ' Arguments or Obedience Sep14 2010the simplicity that is in Christ. —2 Corinthians 11:3'

This made me smile because this is certainly one of the things that forges me onwards on this path towards ordination. When I am resisting the simplicity disappears and confusion enters. It does not matter that the path towards ordination is troublesome and complex as we have moved house so often or that we have had a baby or that asher has been through Cancer and by the grace of God coming through chemo and radio and operations.

All these complexities are zero in comparison to the complexities of resisting the call I feel God is drawing me to obey. And when I give in and obey I have a reassurance that all else will work out especially with a God who is in control.

I have realised something I think is always vital and I have misplaced over the years and i hope I can correct in my thoughts rather than just covering up.

My friendships have always been prayerful friendships. in other words I have always allowed God to guide whether a friendship would blossom rather than me pushing it. Of course this is fate also but with prayer it becomes a little more than that!

Relationships then have and are things that should bring us closer to God in their being but they should also enable us to in some way be more than we are.

So that is my thought...Jonathan and David were great friends and when i think of their friendship the spark that flies for me is that Jonathan sought out the best for his friend.

Another area I am really amazed at just now is that God is finally releasing me into a dawn light after a very long time of evening. I cannot really say it has been night, an over whelming darkness that has invaded every area of my life but it has certainly been a time of evening.

A time when I have felt unable, or too tired, to pray with all my soul. Too tired to read with all my energy. Too lazy to try.

I feel now that in the dawn light I am beginning to see a new world and I am not yet sure that the mists have lifted but I can see that it is good. It is a place that suits me and I hope that this new place will be a place that God and I will be able to share and enjoy.
I pray.

I found this prayer/song which really spoke to me that so many of us may enter places of darkness or wilderness and we may feel alone but we are always calling 'prepare a way for the Lord' and that in itself is a beautiful place to be.

In the lonely places
The wilderness
Where we stand forlorn
Windswept and alone
Your voice calls out
Prepare a way for the Lord

In the dark places
The shadows
Where we hide our fears
Embrace our tears
Your voice calls out
Prepare a way for the Lord


Read more at: http://www.faithandworship.com/Advent/Advent_Celtic_Christian_Celebration.htm#ixzz0zRU6ELpz
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

Thank you to the commenter who pointed out to me that there are different aspects to friendship and so I have been thinking about this and realise that because we have moved so often (every two years) it has been easy for me to be part of peoples lives and to make a difference in peoples lives but it has been hard to get to a stage where we can enjoy each others company.

There are different aspects to relationships that I have to think through and I am sure this period of realising my weaknesses in friendships or feelings toward friendship will help me consider the whole issue more deeply.

I have had a few friends whose company I enjoy and i feel confident that they enjoy mine but it has been a few years since I have really just sat with a friend, had coffee with someone who I know enjoys my company.

But as my commenter also points out it is easy to over look blessings and as I think about each place we have lived I realise that there are people who have come and enjoyed my company

This has made me realise that actually a large part of my 'issue' is that I feel that people don't enjoy my company and that leads me to worry that I am a bit odd and maybe not very nice, likable or very 'oh my goodness poor thing'.

I can't think logically about this I think I just have to deal with the emotional side and think about reasons for my confidence being so low and then lay this before Jesus and ask that he heal and help.

I think when I go before the panel in Jan it is wiser that I have thought on a deep level about all this rather than go and hope I will hold myself together. I need to know myself through this pain and then be able to stand on the other side whoever or however that might be.. the thing is i have to allow myself the time to think and feel this through.
I am going to use a few of the things my commenter mentioned so thanks for that.

This picture depicts (to me) my friendships. Either I am the bird or at a different time I am the Ox. This makes me sad and I have to speak about relationships on Wednesday. Not sure I am up to it to be honest.

It feels to me that the I do not have friends that I am really clicked with and been able able to really just be and grow with. I pray God enables this to happen for me now as I really need it.

Friends I have had, who liked me for me and who did not use me - are people that my dearest did not like. But as he has just said he did like a few of my friends who I feel and felt did use me.

The problem has been that he has not liked my friends and so I have had to limit my friendship with them. This has had the effect that I am lonely in friendships. People I know I really would like to be friends with are usually older than me and therefore have friends their own age who they go out with for a meal or drink.

I feel really that I am too young in conversation and understanding to be friends with them. but there are not many people around who are similar to me. I do know one lass but only via internet and it is not really ever going to be a friendship as we do not live close to ever actually meet and become friends in a natural way.

as Ecclesiastes would say 'all is vanity'! or doomed doomed I tell yah!

The good old Guide Motto - Be Prepared.

Perhaps the simplest lesson I have learnt through this considering is that we should all be in a place that enables us to spend time with God. Listen to his Word, hear music that uplifts and teaches us, think and consider things through and leave them before God so that we can consider where God is in our lives, where He is guiding, prompting, aiding.

If we are able to do this then we can be prepared to do the things, be the people, share the thoughts of God with those we encounter.

My promise to myself and God is that until Advent I am going to spend 1hour a day in prayer, worship and reading.

My prayer that our Lord will help me and come alongside to enable me.

Amen.

What are you confident in?

This is a question that came up yesturday when I met my Spiritual Director. I lack confidence and this is such an issue that when I talk to people about my calling I feel terrible that I should even be daring to state these things as if they might be fact because somehow I am sure they will not believe me and will be looking and thinking of me as stupid and childish.

It is horrid to live with this but I have to keep plodding through and know that God will enable to deal with these things.


When I thought about the question I know I am confident in God but answer has risen others. So I won't begin that journey yet so I sidetrack to my logic...

I am confident in my gifts. I am good at being a pastor, I can meet with people and connect with them where they are. My life has not been a bed of flower petels more a bed of roses with the thorns attached so I am able to sympathise, empathise and encourage or build up.

I am good at seeing where God maybe and leading a way to be there. For example in a village we are now I hope that by beginning a playgroup we as a christian community maybe able to help families and network in new ways.

Interpreting scripture - which my SD said is teaching.

Discernment.

Then I realise that I am confident in things people have told me about myself that are true in an obvious way i.e they match my gifts so I can see that they have identified this. My parents have never encouraged me in things yet after leading a communion service they were excited that this is what I should be doing. This was it.

So I need to hold onto the things I am confident in. I would be wonderful if we could hold up a mirror before God and see our image as he see's us - well in part.

Learning to be Wise

Yes I am trying to learn to be wise. Praying for wisdom. Praying I learn when to speak and when to listen. Praying I learn to ask God and seek for glimpses of light before I reply or jump in.

I have so much to do now I need to really work on a TO DO list and then a priority list. It has been really hard for the last few months feeling so depressed and low of energy. I have not been able to do things and now I am behind by months on simple things of organising, cleaning, reading and writing/prep.

We are away for two nights from today so I am hoping the rest will enable me to come back refreshed and ready to rock and roll. I am only taking two books that I want to read so hopefully i will find time for those. But basically I want to be with the children and husband building our relationships and enabling us to work together more as a family team.

SO top of TODO list Family!

A friend wrote in her blog about 'to do lists' and I realised that this is just what I need. I do not get done all that I need to because I am so tired by the time I get to 'my time' that I collapse. I work through the day hoping the children will go to bed at 8 and I will then have two hours to work hard and get things done. But it never happens.

I am so grateful for others who help me realise things that I need to do. I so want to do well and acheive but I feel guilty doing things for myself.

NO MORE.

I asked my wonderful husband the other week 'To make a real difference to benefit this world what would you really like to do'? His answer really shocked me. He said 'I would like to see you get through to be a Vicar, that would be something very very beneficial to the world'.

Reflecting this morning I recognise that I feel sad and disappointed in the Disciples of old. I feel that they did not do a good job in laying down the teachings of Jesus.
I feel that Jesus gave them a command which is also given to us but it is not an easy command to obey as we are at a loss, I feel, to understand wholly the teachings of Jesus.

I must study more and I pray the Holy Spirit will teach me and guide me.

Todays Morning Prayer - psalm 119 helps me realise that it is the attitude of our heart, the mind of our soul and the obedience of our selves that the love of Christ is known in our lives.

O deal with your servant according to your faithful love.

105Your word is a lantern to my feet •
and a light upon my path.

106I have sworn and will fulfil it, •
to keep your righteous judgements.

107I am troubled above measure; •
give me life, O Lord, according to your word.

108Accept the freewill offering of my mouth, O Lord, •
and teach me your judgements. R

109My soul is ever in my hand, •
yet I do not forget your law.

110The wicked have laid a snare for me, •
but I have not strayed from your commandments.

111Your testimonies have I claimed as my heritage for ever; •
for they are the very joy of my heart.

112I have applied my heart to fulfil your statutes: •
always, even to the end. R

113I hate those who are double-minded, •
but your law do I love.

114You are my hiding place and my shield •
and my hope is in your word.

A friend of mine has left to go to Trinity Bristol for his ordination course. I do hope he blogs so that we can follow how he is doing and what he is doing.
I have taken the drastic decision that i must study greek and hebrew so that if I am put forward then i am making life easier.

Lord take my heart and let it be always and forever consecrated
Lord take my eyes and may they see where you are at work
Lord take my thoughts and bless them. Help me to know more of you and be wise.

This article was posted in the Guardian

'last week's announcement that Anne Rice was to "quit being a Christian" while remaining committed to Christ made me smile. Rice made the annoucement on Facebook:

"In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen"

Amen indeed. Reading her statement, I felt a wave of smug pleasure reserved for those who feel they've been proven right'

People seem so confused about faith, religion, doctrine etc.

shame. I wonder what angered her enough to break out in such a way. She must be feeling very insecure spiritually and I pray that she does hold on to Christ. That in holding onto Christ she finds all that she desires.

I am thinking through 'Rule of Life'. As I am thinking about this I am realising that perhaps each one of us can think about our lives and what it is we feel God is calling us to deepen or become more methodical in doing. It maybe prayer but it maybe serving others. Then how to make this most productive, so it needs to be realistic. And finally letting it become so part of your life that it sinks to the depths of your motion so that it can be something that which is a base line from which further growth can blossom

It was ashers birthday yesturday and thankfully I still felt good and so we managed to finish tidying the house and baked a cake. Well actually my daughter baked a cake. Such an amazing child. So beautiful and caring, accomplished and determined. She did such an amazing job and when the cake would not turn out (as I had left the baking cake tins at a friends house she had to use a hugh roasting tin!) we simple made a fantastic cake with cream and icing in the form of tirimisu.
Our son made a fantastic card and left space for us to sign which we all did and he very proudly handed it to his dad. He is great at drawing and very funny always joking and making us laugh. He always tries his best and succeeds. I am very proud of my two big babies. Yesturday they helped me so much with joy and love. I could not ask for a lovelier place to have been.

Mission in unfamiliar contexts.

The Cross and the Tomb are empty and so in many ways we sacrifice ourselves in ministry. We empty ourselves in giving to other sacrificially and we give our selves to others in service but my thought lies in the less easily grasped realisation that after Jesus rose from the grave he was seen with people confirming the scriptures, sharing the bread and wine, meeting with friends and being present in their daily lives.

And so it is essential our ministry is not only self emptying. It is essential that our ministry is fulfilling, sharing, alive and real.

I am listening to Ave Maria and todays I read psalm 73. How Apt.

Ave maria was written for the 'The Lady of the Lake' Sir Walter Scott.

The whole feel of the song is one of a child calling out in need of answered prayer.

In Psalm 73 one can hear the reality of Davids plea to know God within him as he faces the presures and powers of mankinds sins before him.

Is it not a presure we are all too aware of ourselves in this modern age were we are all able to live as kings.

Those who provide our food and entertainment often suffer greatly for our demands. We do not see them and so are not bothered. We live just as kings.

Those who are sacrificed to provide us provide us with these things live unnoticed by us and we ease our conscience by buying Fair trade or such. We live as gods.

And then just as David recognises in this Psalm at points we awaken and our hearts are aware. We recognise ourselves before God. The whole psalm is an amazing in look to Davids life with other kings and dignitories and then his recognition that if God is within your spirit, guiding your life then you have such love and peace.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

I have had a awful cold for the last few days and it is just shifting today though I feel awful and need to get things sorted for a midsummer service we are having in Caldecote each week of August.

I am sure no one will come especially since I have been too ill to get posters out.

I feel terrible but hope that word of mouth will get a few people in. These things never attact people though as people forget.

Lord remind them!!

I love these verses. 'Wash and make yourselves clean' then 'Come let us reason together'. They remind me of our call in Deut 11 to speak of these things to our children. discuss before breakfast and as we walk.

Be inspired

Isaiah 1:
16 wash and make yourselves clean.
Take your evil deeds
out of my sight!
Stop doing wrong,
17 learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed. [a]
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow.
18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;

It is so hard to struggle through life if you find bringing up children more of a chore than a blessing.

How to find the balance and create a healthy focus?

Sacrifice is something most people are prepared to do but after a while or with a new turn of events sacrifice becomes too much of a burden which limits all those involved.

How to turn sacrifice into something manageable and healthy is my thought.

This is a picture from a page on the Westcott College Cambridge Site. As I looked at it I began to realise how 'alien' our 'rituals' must be to onlookers. I began to recognise that actually people may well not look at us a laugh anymore that we are partaking in these strange rituals. I think now they are so alien people look on in as much interest or disinterest as they would if Hindu's or some other faith were performing a ritual in public, i.e Diwali.

It did make me think about how our children feel.

Kids struggle with being different. This is something many kids have to face and recognise eventually that we are all different. It is impossible to 'fit in' unless those you are with accept you for YOU.

My thoughts this morning are on how we can enable our kids to be strong in themselves and know that people look on at them to discover who they are so it is best to discover just that.




So how can you discover who you are?
join clubs that do things you are interested in

Enjoy the company of friends who really do accept you and all the strange things you think and do!!

Talk to parents and people who live with you and want the best for you.

Think. Using your brain to consider all sorts of things helps you to grow and learn more about all that you can do.

I am sure that there are more and hope to get others from friends who may have suggestions.

"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning"

This verse has jumped out of the pages today and it kind of fulfills a set of verses that I have been getting over a few years. I have decided to use this space to collate them. with my own thoughts in bold. The verses related underneath.

Luke 12:35 "Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning

the following verses were coming to me a couple of years ago and then they were given by another friend and strangely (as these things go) were the verses on the Wed Communion the following but one day. I recognised that God had our lives in his hands and though we were not staying in one place long we had to follow and be ready for any move and trust that He has our lives in his plan.... there is a purpose and His purpose will be upheld if we trust.

Luke 9
The Cost of Following Jesus
57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."
58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

59He said to another man, "Follow me."
But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

60Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

61 Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family."

62Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

From the following verses I had felt that God was saying to me have focus Rosanna. I am the focus. But I did not realise at that time that having the baby would put such a pressure on me and I would this last year and a half loose my focus. Not in my mind or thoughts or heart, no God and our Lord Jesus have become ever more my focus in my daily thoughts... continual. But in my soul, my spirit. here I have found a real battle and struggle which I lost. I feel (perhaps I am wrong) that no man can win the battle in the sould and spirit this a place for the Lord to win and kindle. And that is why I know my focus had gone in these deep places.

Luke 10

At the Home of Martha and Mary
38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

the parables about using the talents God has entrusted to you has been 'in my face' so to say for a good few weeks now and I wondered why. Yesterday again I put the radio on a christian channel and the parable of the talents came on with a commentary. 'throughout luke these parables are placed after a teaching about salvation. We are being warned to use our talents not only be thankful for our salvation'.

I have to face the fact that God has called me and unless I obey I am stifled. I feel like a useless candle.


These and others from luke similar are those that had kept prodding my conscience though I was unsure why fully... strange how some things just do not fully come to our understanding until the right time.

Luke 12

42The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.

47"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.


Now I know that the Spirit is within kindled and my soul is alight with excitement and desire. my mind is eager and listening. my strength is focused and directed. Gods warning is heeded and just as in the parable about the fig tree which had not been tended I pray that God will be my farmer and I will be the tree. let it be.

Luke 13

1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish."
6Then he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. 7So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?'

8" 'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. 9If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.' "


Luke 12Watchfulness
35"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, 36like men waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him. 37It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. I tell you the truth, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them. 38It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the second or third watch of the night. 39But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. 40You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."
41Peter asked, "Lord, are you telling this parable to us, or to everyone?"

I am feeling really low this morning. Arrived home and having to unpack, clean, sort things out and reduce rubbish, keep kids happy and help them to want to study during the holidays, mind the baby and keep her in a routine that will enable me to do things after the holiday, cook, shop, plan for DDO meeting in a month and spiritual direction meeting un booked as I have noone to help me look after the children while I go, Bible Study and prayer time, Reflection on things that I wanted to write about....
then chatting to Dearest One as I took a bath to relax from getting mighty upset with the kids for not helping look after baby while I cleaned up kitchen after cooking.... he says 'oh you lucky thing, work is horrid'... ahhhhh I wish I was at work.
full stop
moaning over now off to pray and study then the rest.
todays readings

Today I visited the church my sister in law attends, when she is able to go to church.

I went with the question posed by the DDO 'What is happening as the Priest presides at Communion?'.

It was amazing and perhaps not relevent to the question but what happened will remain with me forever in what ever ministry God is calling me to.

I moved forward and sat with a lady who was alone. She is in her 80s I expect and as we whispered to each other I could tell how blessed she was at my keeping her company. She stood for some of the songs and the creed and for communion which was brought for her in her chair as she does not go forward. It was obvious that my sitting with her had given her the courage and joy to stand and I was so touched by this. The JOY of coming along side and bringing community, love and joy is deep and unfathomable.

In a perfect world the Priest is standing there with all those who cannot, being a support to them, and hence when taking communion out to those who are no longer able to get to church is just an extension of that presence at the Lord's table.

we are having a lovely weeks break at Ashers sisters house in liverpool. It has been suprisingly relaxed. Perhaps because I am absolutely exhausted or an answer to prayers we have not spent the whole time cleaning and tidying as usual. I have found myself just playing with the children and enjoying them enjoying each other. a good time had by all.

amidst this peace I have actually been able to spend time thinking and what a feeling of freedom that is. I almost do not know how to begin thinking and retaining my thoughts. But they are there!

The depth of God is so incredible.

Confidence is one issue that has come up in this during this process. I am confident and outgoing but underneith I have real issues that I am going to upset others, that i am going to ruffle feathers, that am going to disturb others in someway. I know this is because Ihave tried to be myself and found that others are unable to cope and so Ihave retracted and am always careful around people.

I put others first and hide myself. In doing that I have lost 'understanding and knowing' myself.

I have been so relieved that I feel more secure about myself and this has led in turn to me considering where God is at work in me at the moment. I am so often busy looking at where God is present in others or in the community that I never think of myself in that equation.

This is why I say God is so incredibly deep. There are different levels in that depth and I feel I have been splashing about onthe top and as I had been a deep sea diver it was fustrating that I felt my tools did not allow me to go deeper into the water.

I now feel that rather than equipment I am learning a new style of swimming in the deep sea. I feel I am learning 'free range' swimming. I don't know what you would call it in technical terms but that is the best explanation i can give.

todays readings

Yesturday's meeting with the DDO was very relaxed. I think I have taken peoples advise on board and just taken a back seat in this process. I must seek the Lord with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength not just His will.

One comment that the DDO and I discussed from my list of 'what a Priest is and is not' was one sentence that 'A Priest is not alone in the inner sanctuary'.

I said in explaining this and realised as I explained it that in Jesus Death the curtain was torn and the people were enabled into the inner place which had been used only once a year. This is perhaps one those mysteries that we discuss very little but is actually essential to our understanding and faith.

Jesus death enabled this place to be accessible. This place being the place were God can meet us.

So my thought is that priest is NOT alone in this inner sanctuary but is there with the people and should experience this mystery and be enabling and drawing others into this sanctuary.

The curtain is torn down and the Priestly mission of Christ is enabled forever.

Seeing the DDO today.

I have my list of what a vicar is and is not. I have a more relaxed attitude to this process and a recognition that I just have to sit through it and pray in the way Jesus leads me.

It is so important that each of us get to spend time reflecting, thinking, praying and reading so that we can grow and know.

I find it hard to begin even to just sit. I am feeling the effects. My mind is so scatty and my body aches.

Todays Readings
The passage from Samuel really struck me today because Ihad just been reading about the leadership of a priest. In this passage we see Samuel give the instruction from God. Saul not obeying God and take on the role of leadership, then the Priest comes forward with the message and warning from God.

Today we go away on holiday which is not likely to be relaxing but I lift up my arms and bend my knees that God prepares the way for us. Amen

todays readings

This psalm is very deep and demands a bit of research. Who are the gods, to whom is the address spoken to? how does this relate to our spiritual understanding of heaven and the world we live in.

I am not going to write my thoughts or findings as this is perhaps something that everyone should do for themselves.

It is interestingly put with Matt and Jer passages that work really well to make us consider these things more.

You could also read John 10 and Ephesians 6 with this psalm.

Todays readings


Blessed are the poor, Susan Peterson
'I see my need and humbly seek Your face.
Show me Your mercy; all my cares erase.'


I find these words strange in todays psalm 126
'Those who sow in tears will reap in joy.'

They remind me of Jesus teaching in Matt 5


3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

'You will find yourself, as celebrant at the Eucharist privileged with a unique intensity to 'be with god with the people in your heart'. p16 , Michael Ramsey, The Christian Priest Today'.

for the last year I have found prayer a very different affair. I have struggled and if i am n=honest I have not prayed every day, i have not meditated as I washed up, I have not interceded for the those I know and who are on my heart. It has been a very lonely prayer time, one of me calling out to God and daring to speak to Jesus but with very little closeness.

When I read the above quote I realised that my situation has changed so much that I no longer am in a position where I am in the heart of the community with the needs and praises of people around me. I know very well that there are those who need prayer but somehow I am on the outside. I feel I am one of the congregation rather than a member of the community.

I lack seriously in discipline and that is what has been revealed by this experience. Rule of life is one aspect that a friend has been commenting on in her blog and so I am drawn to this again. How can i find out about, how can i maintain, how can i become a person with and of a Rule of Life?

Time

So often I find that I have so many things on my mind that I struggle to complete things. I have found a set of tools which help to focus and complete.

An just as I write this a note that the CRB forms are incomplete comes through which is rediculous as we spent hours making sure all the info was there. Probably the Diocese want more info there form was harder to do that the CRB.
ahhhhhhhh

I sat this morning saying to my son that I need time today to pray and seek God in the matter of my being a Vicar. I just am not sure it is what God wants me to do and I need to seek Him in this before I meet with my DDO on Tuesday and let her know that I am putting this whole thing on hold.

My son sat shaking his head with a screwed up face and said 'yep you should be' I said 'No I need to seek God seriously, I really don't think I should be going forward to be a vicar.' to which he repeated himself so I asked 'why do you say that?' his reply made me laugh so much.

'Your the only person who does not think you should be, your the only person'.

Boy that puts a drain unblocker in my system!

I have had such a hard time recently and I feel so stupid for getting upset, i feel selfish for not being able to cope, i feel like a failure for not doing enough.

If i am not able to keep 'house' now how on earth can i go on and do house, baby, family, study and work placements next year if I go through for training?

I give up and then sense a small determination within that just forces me to ask for Jesus' help. I am sure he gets fed up with this routine I am going through but perhaps I am battling the Mary Martha game.

Yestuday i found myself saying surely that i follow a call from God and serve Him in the community as he leads is more important than housekeeping.

I cannot fathem why it is so hard to study. I find that my mind goes blank when I have time to read and then I have so many things I want to read and prepare I get lost in which one I am doing.

so fustrating also that the books I want to read cost so much and the libraries do not have them.
rosanna

I began to think today about buying a house in new by village which might work well for us, but again this evening I seem to get the impression that God is saying NO.

Again in our family prayers one of the verses came up that I always get when considering this matter.

Luke 10: 1-3.. take no sandel or satchel....

The other I often get is Luke 9:58... though they are related and so close I had not realised until this evening as I checked up because they always come at such different times.

I am off to read the whole passage more carefully and see if I am missing something.

But as it stands I always take it that God is saying life freely and do not get bound by a house as you are not yet where I want you to be.

today I watched Vicar of Dibley and one comment made me sit up and listen.

It was from 'celebrity Vicar' she becomes famous after doing a Pause For Thought. A journalist comes to do a story on her and rather than writing about her he writes about her parishoners. The No No No Brain, and Is this the Smelliest Man in England, and Is this the Moring man in England.

At the PCC meeting the chairman David says 'You let yourself come before your parishoners, have you got anything to say for yourself?' She shakes her head and he says'Then we move on sadly'.

enough said

this evening after school I went to the youth group and again it was great to have them all enjoying themselves. We studied Acts 9 and had the verses 1-19 printed from different versions of the Bible.

We did this to show the guys how the different versions can help us to understand the thought that was being expressed by the original writers. We read about Paul as it is such a famous conversion and conversation I picked up on the point that though we can think we are talking to noone when we talk to God we are actually talking to God and others confirm that very often. In this chapter we find many confirmations that Paul is not imagining.

A great worship evening also.
I feel so privilaged to be apart of this.

Paul probably enraged by Stephens death was consumed with thoughts about it. He surely pondered Stephens peaceful and unafraid manner in which he simply and confidently delivers his soul to God.

I am thinking of this because I am doing a study with young teens about paul this evening and I am just considering how being a Christian effects our manner as we live out our faith. Are we confident and at peace with ourselves and God?

I have been thinking about my last post and mentioning that my suprise would be greater to find an abyse than to find God. But I realise that it is not miracles that proove to us that God exists. I feel far more sure of the times when God has spoken to us than amazing things that happen.

I think this is because amazing things happen to us all in this world. Those who believe in God or not. There is no distinction as the Bible says 'one whom God sends the rain'.

It is when God speaks that I am truely assured and it is those times that I hold on to.

There are so many things to do with children and ways we can organise ourselves so that life is fulfilling and happy but we get so bogged down and tired it is hard to keep going.
I pray for myself and my sisters who are in a similar place to me right now.

Here are some ideas to entertain when you just cant be bothered to move.

jar with water and washing up liquid in. A bubble handle or something which would allow to blow through and make bubbles. i make my mixture shamefully strong but wach out for eyes, don't blow bubbles directly over the kids.

Take out shakers, drums any musical instrument or saucepans, pasta in a small tub with lid on, spoons, wooden spoons, and sing songs.

Take out paper and cut into thin strips have cellotape and glue and allow young one to experiment while trying to get the strips onto different things for example an old egg box can be cut up using the roundie bit to make a spider. then use straws to hand the spidars and your young one will enjoy the mobile. Mima loves spiders but we enjoyed chasing each other with the spiders!


The Grand Old Duke of York, He Had Ten Thousand Men, He marched them up to the top of the hill and he marched them down again. and when they were up they were up and when they were down they were down and when they were only half way up they were neitehr up nor down. see this link for a great way of doing this song

God is amazing, generous and awesome. I never cease to be inspired by the way God shows me so faithfully and gently that He is God and is in my life. I am so weak and frail yet this powerful God manages to speak to me in ways that are so gentle and true.

If there is no God then on the other side of this world when I stand in an abyse I will be more shocked than all the times that God shows me so faithfully that He is God and is in my life. And if I find that there is no conscience after death I will know nothing but the joy having known a God whilst alive on earth.

What has caused me to have such an outburst?!!!

Perhaps the meditation I have been shown over the last few days about being a mother who has been asked to or 'called' into the journey to priesthood is at a close. Maybe not but tonight just before I closed my reading of Richard Giles 'Here I am' this is what I read...

In foster families, of course, one doesn't sit around all day feeling cosseted; there is much to be done, from peeling potatoes to learning consideration, and remembering birthdays, and saying sorry. Foster parents are busy watching out for special gifts and skills, encouraging aptitudes here, redirecting energies there, always bringing out the best.
The Church is no different. Priests are parents who are always on the lookout for special gifts and aptitudes among their spiritual charges. page 98.

This reading did not even follow the pages I was reading it just dropped open at the end of the book which I never do, I never read the end of a book before I work my way through the pages.

I am amazed that God should direct my life and desire me to continue on this path to discover what he wants me to do. I am pray that I learn how to discuss, share and explain myself clearly and with confidence that I humbly feel Gods leading.

I have to challenge Richard Giles on just one comment that he has made in his book 'Here I Am'. He does not agree with the new wording used in the Alternative Service Book which has changed from 'go and make disciples' to 'baptise new disciples'. Now Giles comment is 'If we are not here to make disciples, we might as well return to the life we knew before the selection conference and the ordination exam.

I actually have to raise the point that there is a difference between the roles that have been established by the church over the years between the Deacon and the Priest or presbyter. I see a point in changing the wording and focus of the role because the Church has moved on from the days when the priest did it all. The Priest is now much more a Presbyter. The time of the layman is here. The Body of Christ is beginning to start crawling and with the taking a priest taking a back seat and ensuring that new disciples are Baptised, taught, nurtured, you never know perhaps we will begin to walk and even run as the Body the Christ.

Of course this is not to say that the Presbyter does not have the God given desire and role to make disciples as the Lord leads.

Today at church someone commented 'You have a lovely family, that means alot' This comment comes on top of a comment from my mum that she emailed me after coming for dinner on Friday evening. She wrote You are an accomplished mother, your children are 'You are a very accomplished person. The meal was lovely, the children delightful, the home so comfortable , yes all showed the hand of a competent mother.'

I am not writing this to boost my ego but when my friend mentioned it to me today I wondered if God might be reminding me of something and so I have been thinking and realised that I have put all else aside to concentrate on bringing up my family and devoting time to ensure that they understand life and who they are in this world as best I could.

Then as I chatted throughout the day about this to my dh I realised that when I go the panel I need to be me. I am a mother who has spent time reflecting, dedicating, serving, encouraging, engaging and disparing with my family which has enabled us to be a family I am proud to be apart of.

My dh also said to me 'it is better to be sure of what you have acheived than what you might acheive' and so I will try to be me and hold on that.

I have just had the most wonderful moment. I led communion for our family as we often do on a Sabbath, Friday. My mum and Step father came over and after the readings, song, prayer, communion they told me that I must put all else aside and focus on going forward for ordination.

It was amazing to hear that from them, as I always felt that as long as it was a paid work that I could do then I should go for it. It actually also came after a day when I had sadly been reflecting that people do not support me in the things I know I could do like child care or hotel management or catering etc...

So at the end of a day when I had reflected that family had not ever said 'yes do that you would be great.... my mum and step father say 'yes do that you are being moulded and are becoming, it is not that you could be it is that you are .... this is something you HAVE to do... I can see you leading a service, really I can actually see you leading a service and you have just led us here and it was wonderful it was like seeing you being who Christ wants you to be.' and then my mum said 'and you have a wonderful voice'. Thank you, thank you so much.

If I am ordained this will be a moment that will make that moment very special.

John 15:12-17


Listen to this passage
View commentary related to this passage


12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

Many years ago an elder in a church I attended for a good two years said to me 'When I pray for you I think of a shepherd welcoming people in'. A few years later another person who also knows me well and is in full time Christian Ministry said that 'I was called to the ministry of reconciliation'.

A deacon is called to encourage and be outward looking. I feel I am definately called to be outward looking but I am called to look outwardly in an inwardly manner. To encourage and enable the church to be a place that people can invite friends and people to. A place that when others come they meet God, they find a place in which they can recognise God at work.

I on my own will not do a good job and that is why I am constantly glad that it is God who calls and who works through us all doing and living out our calling. i am just a small part and if we all work together for the glory of God through Christ then, then and only then will we discover fruit and beauty and worship with the angels etc..... just a bit of ott there!!

I cannot come to say that I should not be a deacon it is a role in the church that I would love to live out and hope to live out. If I could fulfill the role of a deacon I would be very happy. But I do not feel it is the role that God is calling me to. Why???

I have failed to continue in the David Haywood study as I keep forgetting to do it. I have spent the last week reflecting on the first lesson but not really moving on so I am very disheartened as I feel I am just never going to fit all the extra things I want to get done for myself. I must I must....

I must.
So I think when the chips are down there is only one thing left to do.

Pray.
Lord, please please light in me the spark that enables your people to study more and pray more. Set me on fire to do more than I could do alone and help me achieve so taht I might share the grace and love and wisdom you enable me to have.

I don't want to be greedy I want to be overflowing.
Amen

Considering hearing confessions is important to me.

An important part of my calling is that I feel drawn to being able to hear confession and be in a position to enable those needing absolution to leave with a knowledge that they are forgiven and can begin to live a new life just as Jesus said to so many of those he healed 'Go and sin no more'.

As a deacon you are part of that process and it is essential but I wonder what a deacon would say about their call to hear confession.

It is hard to be with people and not be faced with the knowledge that some you speak to do wish you to hear them in their darkest and wildest thoughts and look for help and clarity. I am sure a deacon is faced with this also.

It seems when considering the role of a Deacon the fact that Jesus obviously lived out this role is enticing. To serve should be a key element of our calling as Christians, yet where to serve is critical as to be wrong would be stiffling and unfruitful.

And so i begin to look at the role of Deacons.

I did look at being a Deacon when I first began this journey of exploration. I felt that perhaps I was called to support the local minister/vicar and work with the people as I feel I am a 'people's person'.


Serving the wider community

deacons are called to put this into practice and make it a 'human reality'. They serve alongside the Bishop and Priest across a diocese enabling, enlightening and encouraging. How cool is that!

I certainly fit in here with my sense of hope and calling to reach out to the community in which I live and to a smaller degree the wider world I also am apt to be involved and notice the marginalised and the needy. Having been involved in care for the Elderly, disabled and self harmers I feel I have some ability to come alongside and perhaps discern ways for the church to support and love when and where able.

The Incumbents Course

I am beginning to admit to myself that being called to the role of a Priest is a particularly unique call and one which calls us to step out in faith with a heart of preparation ready to accept the responsibility.

this thought came after reading a thought from a blogger friend and her picture posted www.iwanttobeavicar.com

Books

Vocation

Being a Priest Today C.Cocksworth and R.Brown
The Life and Work of a Priest J.Pritchard
Ministry and Priesthood A.Redfern
How to Find Your Vocation J.Adair



Mission

Provocative Church G.Tomlin
Mission Shaped Church P.Bayes and T.Sledge
Healthy Churches Guide R.Warren
Evangelism M.Booker and


Spiritual

Why Go To Church Radcliffe
God of Surprises G.Hughes

Church Of England

this evening I chatted with a fellow from our church who has just returned from the Bishops selection panel.

I realised as he spoke that the panel represent a range of traditions in the COE and we come before them to show who we are and as a representation of the COE they identify in us or with us this must be part of diciding our 'fate'!

So what i mean really is that we can only be ourselves because the people who select us and are part of the big process are chosen to be 'a representation' therefore they are different to each other and so can recognise different things in us.

hope that makes sense to you more than it does to me!
rosanna

Why a Priest?

Our direction should always be focused toward God. I have found that when my direction is not focused on God it feels disorientated, like I have missed the most important part of what the day should have been about. I think this is because I know I may have missed being prepared for something or missed doing something that God would have used me for.

I feel I am being called to be alive in the service of God, as we all are but whether I fail or succeed it is in doing God's work and discovering God's way, plan, work that I find I am alive always moving on, maturing, learning and becoming.

I do not mind failing or suffering I do not mind having to change course because it is not ME that I am trying to please, if it were I would have about three franchise businesses by now but it is God alone that I am to follow and seek direction from.

This is one reason why 'priest'. When I seek to find alternatives I am falling out of Gods path for me and I notice it in my spiritual life, home life, relationships, everything. When I say 'Yes OK, then what is the next step' and take it I find it is like bubbles going off inside and they are bouncing around excited.

John Pritchard in his book 'The life and Work of a Priest' p16

'did you truly help to inspire my people to worship and to love?

today I began to realise something that has been on my conscience for a long time. I began to recognise what it means to 'stand inthe gap' This has been a verse which has stood with me for along time and now I begin to place it in the context of being a priest. Rather than a priest standing as Christ within the church a priest stands as the church within Christ.

I wonder what other peoples thoughts are on this and I am going to 'phone a friend and as the audience!'

it is so interesting looking back over past posts and realising how helpful this blogging is. I am going to try and get used to it and use it more, thank you blogspot this has helped my learning and reflecting on what I have learnt so much i might actually yet learn something!

I am taking a radical step.
I am beginning David Heywoods bible in a year course
I am opening a file for each of the criteria for ordination

Now I am going to pray that God brings someone along to whom I can be accountable. I feel I get lost or bored and then busy and sidetracked so I need to make this my priority to do this I need someone who is suitable for me and who will be able to keep me focused.

I have been thinking through my visit to the DDO and she identifies the confidence issue I have. I need to work on this and the only way is for me to put more work in and feel I have actually learnt more and organised things more and that then with reflection I can express my thoughts better as my knowledge and ideas will be more rounded and conclusive.

Put in the work rosi

rosanna

Hebrews 1: 1-3

1In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, 2but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. 3The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.

Who is Jesus? this is the question and here is the beginning of the answer
'the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being'

it is awesome to comprehend that he 'sustains all things by his powerful word'
that is something to pray and and reflect on.

Priestly Ministry
I am reading John Pritchard 'The Life and Work of a Priest'. At the beginning on page x he writes that he will base his book on the structure of a sentence by Bishop Jack Nicholls ' the only things he had to be concerned with as a priest were the glory of God, the pain of the world and the renewal (repentance) of the Church. John Pritchard then point out that God and the world come before the church...... 'note that God nd the world come before the Church. That seems to me to be an important signal. We serve an astonishing God for the sake of an amazing world; we're not simply church functionaries.

My reaction to this is to disagree because Paul was concerned with the building of the church, Jesus was concerned with sharing the gospel with the Jews, To build up, to enable, to then encourage outreach.

But perhaps what is going to be part of this book is that if we focus on the first two then we get to loose focus on the last one. So I can only think that it must be hard to keep the focus of the world if it does not come first. The end goal should be that we are all outward looking, inwardly reflective, upwardly focused.

So I read on and see where this takes my thoughts and where John Pritchards thoughts are headed also.


update by ch 2 So far many of Pritchard's structure for sentences seem not be in line with the structure he put forward earlier.
pWorship relates primarily to Godsecond to God's gathered people, and third to God's other people' - those not in church or who do not attend regularly.

i was mentioning to the DDO yesturday that my relationship with God has changed since having Mima as i get to spend so much less time in prayer with out something on my mind that needs doing.
i said that this has made me realise that if I go into ministry then my time would be even more taken up and so i have had to learn creative ways to learn and pray.

here are some of those ways:
online:
www.sacredspace.ie
for example their reflection this week is

Jesus' image of the wheatgrain dying, then bearing fruit, symbolises not just our mortal life, but the many times we die a little before our death: with every parting, moving of house or job, loss of a friend or dear one, loss of property. Can I think of any experience of suffering and loss that has borne fruit because of God's grace? How did it happen? To cling to what we have lost is to bury our life in the past. Even the most painful loss can be a new beginning. Lord, when I was suffering pain, and the loss of people and things I loved, I believe you were somehow present to me. Show me how you were.

then they have a prayer for each day.

www.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/cmo-retreat.html
this is an Ignatian retreat online and though it takes along time to read through bits I have done bits very slowly and they are often things that are needed to be thought about and mulled over slowly so it works for busy people who just have a short time to read and then think about in bed before sleeping

here are a number of online devotions I particularly like:
http://www.intothyword.org/
http://www.henrinouwen.org/home/free_eletters/
http://www.taize.fr/en_article1854.html
http://www.taize.fr/en_article5806.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/dailyhomily/

The question I have to explore this month is:
The role of a Priest. I have to form two columns and answer what the role of a priest is and is not...

I don't know how to do columns so here is an above and below!

A Priest is someone who

helps to bring re-alignment of self with God and all God wants for us. (J.Pritchard p13 The Life and work of a Priest uses the word re-alignment in the context of worship but it reminds me that people turn to a priest for many reasons with perhaps many agendas but a priests role is to keep the focus of enabling that 're-alignment' with God. Later on in the book Pritchard uses the term 'God Directedness'.

enables the worship of the church to suit the community.

presiders in an act of worship

seeks to 'representing the people before God and seeking to make God present to God's people 'John Pritchard, life and work of a priest p20'

encourager of prayer

Seeks to 'representing the people before God and seeking to make God present to God's people 'John Pritchard, life and work of a priest p20'

Encourager of prayer

To the Glory of God

Nourisher and rebuker in teaching


Shepherd – can stand alone, straight talking, ‘not hired’, faithful generous of heart and determined,

Proclaimers: (This is where I find it hard to write down the words which describe the calling, but I will as it is from God to those called)
Annointed, Share peace and Good news, Liberty, Year of Lord’s Favour.

a provider

gathers up all the roles in the church

preacher/teacher

intercessor

man of the eucharist

IS NOT
celebrants in an act of worship J.prichard p15
A lone Rander

i have been unable to write as i have been so tired and busy.

Brownies is taking up loads of time as i have just taken over the pack and there is so much organising to do.

But I have also been really tired. Mima now 18months is not sleeping so well and when she does i still wake up!

I am really rather depressed because of tiredness and no money to go and do things with her.

Never mind, I am praying about the finances and other than a lottery win I am hoping our spending will be able to reduce, but the lawn mower broke, borrowed one and that broke! the car is obviously needing something done which even if it is cheap we don't have the cash to pay.

But I know God will provide and help, somehow, something always just works out to help, not quiet cover it all but help keep us ticking on reserves!

Mission

Here is the question

write about an aspect of criterion H for which you feel/think you have a particular vocation.

Well it is just very 'obvious to write about nurture of new believers' though I have altered this to be new and weathered believers! I am really wondering how I can engage with this question within a 700 limit sharing about other aspects.

I have to reflect theologically and be accessible and stimulating. Oh boy!

It is so good to hear that the Anglican Covenant is being sent out to all member churchs and that from this point we can as a communion begin to work on our relationships and understandings of each other.

It is so hard to face the future when the essence of our very being feels like it is under a surgeons knife. It is very well to be firm in ones belief and this is to be admired but without love it is nothing just a resounding gong as one would say. It undermines and at the very worse risks the spiritual life of another, which is thus nothing short of murder.

I say this because the passage from James about taming the tongue is based on the thought that is close the Jewish heart. If one damages another’s response or journey with God then that is on par with murder.

The Anglican covenant aims to enable us to start working on our relationaships, building our trust and helping us to be responsible to and for each other. This is so exciting and if people are prepared to take this on and work with each other with any gusto how amazing it will be.

As a simple lay member of the congregation who is continually baffled at how complex life as a member of Christ’s family can get I am hopeful at this stage that there are opportunities being set out for us to learn more about how we can know where and perhaps how we stand together and that there are people who can see we can ‘intensify our fellowship and our trust’ (Archbishop Rowan Williams,
http://www.archbishopofcanterbury.org/2802)

I really hope we will be able to read this document as I have always wanted to learn much more about what we hold in common as a communion. The Covenant sets out a basis on which the Anglican family works, prays, live and hopes and this sounds like something that should encourage and enable us to work together and rejoice in our diversity and ability to learn and grow closer to Christ through our discussion.

five marks of mission

■proclamation of the good news
■teaching and nurturing of new believers
■responding to human need by loving service
■seeking to transform unjust structures in society
■caring for creation

Lord, I how does my failing come across to you? When I am lazy, angry, selfish or deliberatly forgetful are you disappointed?
Forgiveness I know can be sought and refreshment gained, but am I just to unaware to realise what is at stake?
Lord Open My Eyes and help me to see
Open my Ears and help me to hear
Open my heart and help me to feel
Open my mind and help me to understand.

Amen.

I have often thought that mission is God's Job not ours. But now I am beginning to read this from official sources it is not as exciting as I thought. Let me share my thoughts and see where it goes.

I feel that mission is Gods job. He is the one who created us, made us who we are, enables us to be where we are and has a plan for what we do. So then our direction comes from God and is for God. It is like being part of a football team. They see our potential and invest and train and then set us in the game, but they tell us the plan of action and as a team we work together to win the game.

So when I think of mission of course I think of God and listen watch and wait.

It is also Gods reputation on the line so i expect God to do something. If there is nothin then usually a gentle step by step approach to things is good as doors open and close. I have found that the Holy Spirit is not like a resounding gong - i suppose he would not be as love comes right in there. So then I need to be sensitive and delicate as I pray and recognise what and where God is working and where I should be doing my thing!

Yesturday I went to a home of a Christian who works with youth. I had unknowingly met his wife the day before when dropping our son off for a youth camp he was attending. I was amazed that he lived in a home which I pass every day and am drawn to with a sense of 'homeliness'. it is a small end of terrace asthetically nothing to write home about but something draws me so often to think 'what a lovely home'. How suprised was I to discover who lives there.

Later I read
Richard Baxter notes 'The world is better able to read the nature of religion in a man's life than in the Bible'.

'When people brush against the holy they are never quite the same afterwards. Perhaps it is only in a fleeting encounter, but htey have met someone who stands for another world, a different set of values that are strangely compelling. They have sensed another way of ordering life and, for a moment everything seemed to make sense, to fit into place. In this person something of the divine could be sensed, and it felt good to be in touch with such deep reserves of affirmation and love.'

(Being A Priest Today, Christopher Cocksworth and Rosalind Brown)

If this is what happened when I passed Steves homes then it was something of the something of the divine which drew me. If the worship of God can make and impact through the home as I pass in the car, if the love and worship of God can enlightened the world somehow even from a home then how much more must it be true from us humans. When we meet with God that grace shines out and is there to be experienced by others.

I read this to Asher and told him which encouraged him to make sure we had our family Bible study. Which was a reading from John 19: 1-11. The comment was 'When someone has higher values do we join in with others and laugh at them or do we stand with them and join them in doing right and turning to God'.

I do love it when things all seem to point to a daily dose of God pointing something out.

Peter Do You Love Me? Yes, Then Feed My Sheep.

We all have the ministry of being holy, Luther stressed that holiness is lived out in ordinary life, doing ordinary things. Rowan Williams writes 'A human being is holy, not because he or she triumphs by will power over chaos and guilt and leads a flawless life, but because that life shows the victory of God's faithfulness in the midst of disorder and imperfection.' (A Ray of Darkness, p114-115)

I have just discovered Expresso.

Sounds crazy really, but I have resisted expresso imagining it to be far too strong and far too small! but this morning I wanted both a hot chocolate and a coffee and could not face two cups of liquid and I did not want them adulterated by mixing them!

So I risked letting the coffee perculate in the single cup coffee strainer with a tiny amount of hot water and then when I was ready I went back and added a large dash of milk, I think they call it a macchiato. I added one teaspoon of brown sugar and ...

... ohhh the smoothness and richness is divine. To be honest it made me realise that the coffee i usually make is nothing in comparison.

The obvious conclusion here is that if we have a watered down relationship with Christ it is very much like this experience I had this morning, but I wont do that honest!

this is such an amazing text:

Ephesians 2:
11 Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision"
[...]

14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, 16and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.

I was recently asked what is your gospel message. I wonder if the passages that God has directed my thoughts toward are coming together to simply give me an understanding of the gospel.

I keep meditating on John 2:12-25; john 3

unexpected opportunities

psalm 120, 121, 122
Exodus 1:22-2:10; Hebrews 8

I can imagine the Princes standing by the waters edge. Her reaching out and takng holdof this gift from the gods. It is considered that this princess was Hatshepsut the daughter of Raamses the 2nd and wife to Thutmose the 2nd. She was unable to have children so her husband had taken another wife who bore a son.

There are so many opportunities that come our way unexpectantly we need to be ready to take them and trust God will guide our way and be with us.

The Psalm is beautiful
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Son did really well at school and loves it. I am really glad that he is settling and has been accepted to this school. Thank you God for blessing us so much.

My Son starts school on thursday.

I am not worried really about it as I know he will cope being so strong of mind. I am concerned that he will meet good friends and pray that he gets into the right set.

rethinking mission doc

1 Mission lies in the nature and work of God
“All our mission springs from the action and self-revelation of God in Jesus Christ... our call to mission and evangelism [is] grounded in the very nature of the God who is revealed to us”.


2 Centrality of Jesus
'We look to the life, death and resurrection of Jesus to see how God is saving his world, calling us to respond and to join with him. Our response is not so much church-sponsored programmes to increase the number of Christians and / or to change the world, but more to be drawn into that life, death and resurrection of Jesus so that we become part of what God is doing. This, through the work of the Holy Spirit, then informs the direction and gives us the passion to speak and to act.'
“As Anglicans we are called to participate in God’s mission in the world, by embracing respectful evangelism, loving service and prophetic witness. As we do so in all our varied contexts, we bear witness to and follow Jesus Christ, the crucified and risen Saviour”, says TEAC, the Theological Education in the Anglican Communion working group. iv