Sunday, January 30, 2011

In life we face many twists and turns. Times when we are orientated and others when we are disorientated and then there is new orientation. This idea comes from a book I am working through about the Psalm by Walter Brueggemann.

In Christs life we see this also with the obvious finalee of Christs death.

As I reflect on Asher's life I see that his new orientation is not upon us. He is still disorientatated though in reality he continues to be orientated toward God he is disorientated from work and the focus of his life which he has been in control of.

Today a friend popped round who is a palliative care senior nurse and she commented that when someone has a terminal illness they have to learn to listen to their body which until now they have been incontrol of. Until now they have known what their body can do but now they have to begin listening a new.

So listening a new with the idea of orientation is something I feel can be a very helpful thought for those in the final stages of life.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

thinking about grief is very interesting. I thought, sad as it may be, i should note the most important aspects down as we move though these months.

1. Asher and I face the future with a bated breath of hope looking to Christ for healing, peace and satisfation.

Some may say that this is not having 'faith' or perhaps that we should 'claim healing' or 'refute the cancer'.

My thought on this is that a person has faith because God gives it. We lovingly and humbly accept all gifts. A person enters all stages of life both very sad and good and very good with antrepidation because we all know that life is fragile. Our faith is not only in God; it is also in that he will be with us in all situations. No matter if we make a wrong step, no matter if we understood wrong. God is God. I hate to put it so bluntly but we are puny little weeds do we really think that our minute faith will seriously effect the way God loves us? I believe he loves us no matter how small our faith, no matter how small our step, no matter how small our action.

I really believe that Jesus died once for all. He came to show us that God is not a God who demands ritual or wild ceremony or magical religious piousness. God is God. We are his people.

So my thought in short. in our time of deep grief and uncertainty and perhaps even guilt God looks past all that to the person he knows in the spirit - in the soul.

Then it is up to us as friends of people going through greif to be there with people. Keep them normal. talk, chat, be silent, hug, wash up, do the ironing, mow the lawn, support by going to events which the person has to attend.
Then it can be up to God to speak to the soul.
then it can be up the person to work through the grief.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Last night Meema had a soaring temperature. She was very unhappy. Thankfully she slept through the night so the cold I have has not gotten any worse, hurrah!

I have to fill in my application form for the Bishops conference. It is amazing how different it is doing it now compared to a year ago and especially even two years ago. It is like I am a totally different person. Where as last year I would have felt 'fake' writing things about myself I now am confident about things and am writing things in a much better and enthusiastic way.

I think this really shows me that time matters. If we are called for ministry but are not quite ready yet it is best to wait. I have spent so many years preparing and waiting and trying to hear when God says 'go' or 'wait' and now I can reflect and see how the meandering path I have been on while exploring the call of ordination has been one of great learning and development.

It is funny. I used to feel like a child in an adults body (I hope others can identify with that!) well now I feel like an adult. I am about to hit 40 and I feel mature. I always prayed that I would by this time! It is a very biblical age to be mature as people are referred to as young when they are under 40.

I am really looking forward to this conference now. God Be With Me.

Monday, January 17, 2011

I went to see the Bishop today. It was a good chat and I realised alot about myself that I had not until then. I had not realised how determined I am. I had not realised how focused I can be and How sure I am that God has called me to ordination.

My trust in God is so solid that I actually suprised myself today.

Though it was uplifting I now reflect and my insecurity arises. I realise that perhaps he felt if he said no then it would send me off a blithering wreck since two bad news in one week is not really not good.

Oh gosh... perhaps I will write and tell him he can change his mind and tell me the truth now.

Anyway,,, he said he will sponser me and that the panel may say 'are you mad to be here' or they may say 'yes but have years pause'.

either way I am pleased he has felt a sense of vocation and not been disturbed by 'me in person'!

Now I am deciding to put aside books on vocation. I am simply going to pray and use the lectionary and good ol' david heywood. the bible in a year with my mums church is by the wayside already this year!!!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Today I turn to Oswold before I sleep and as I read this I find myself realising that Asher is in the last few months of life and yet we face them in truth, love and power - why? because of God. Yes but also because of the life and resurrection of Jesus. Our purpose is always one with God. We love and Praise God we love each other and live the life given.

I hope others can face their funeral with such peace.

"Buried with Him . . . that . . . even so we also should walk in newness of life." Romans 6:4
No one enters into the experience of entire sanctification without going through a "white funeral" - the burial of the old life. If there has never been this crisis of death, sanctification is nothing more than a vision. There must be a "white funeral," - a death that has only one resurrection - a resurrection into the life of Jesus Christ. Noting can upset such a life, it is one with God for one purpose, to be a witness to Him.
Have you come to your last days really? You have come to them often in sentiment, but have you come to them really? You cannot go to your funeral in excitement, or die in excitement. Death means you stop being. Do you agree with God that you stop being the striving, earnest kind of Christian you have been? We skirt the cemetery and all the time refuse to go to death. It is not striving to go to death, it is dying - "baptized into His death."
Have you had your "white funeral," or are you sacredly playing the fool with your soul? Is there a place in your life marked as the last day, a place to which the memory goes back with a chastened and extraordinarily grateful remembrance - "Yes, it was then, at that 'white funeral,' that I made an agreement with God."
"This is the will of God, even your sanctification." When you realize what the will of God is, you will enter into sanctification as naturally as can be. Are you willing to go through that "white funeral" now? Do you agree with Him that this is your last day on earth? The moment of agreement depends upon you.
Today I have been reflecting on the churches here in UK. I have been wondering what words each would feel they could use to describe themselves as this time very generally.

For example the church of england may well be described as searching to be forming a foundation of unity globally.

However I do not think that this would be what the man on the street would say. So I have been thinking more locally and perhaps that feel is a general national thing too.

So for the Baptist I wrote : trying to enthuse and excite keeping Scripture and Spirit Central.

For the church of england I wrote: reflecting Scripture and Logic. Which I realised is not far different from the three fold statement used to describe the church which I cant remember now who wrote it. But it is Tradition, Scripture and Logic.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Life is so precious.
We are here for but a fleating moment.
Now is a moment to live, laugh, love, reflect
If this is your last moment how would you feel?

Are our moments with each other as beautiful as they ought to be?
Are our memories as they could be?
Are they as you would like them to be?

Thursday, January 06, 2011

lamentations is such a quirky little book. i happened upon it last night and it fitted my mood so wholly it was as though God was saying "yes lis can be poohy but hope- there is always a ray of hope and that is because God is in control and His mercy and love are forever.

the writter says . ALL hope is lost but then says ' there is just a ray because I know God.

No matter what God wants us to turn to Him and if we think suffering is punishment then take it and turn with an open heart to learn. if we think suffering is just worldly then life the life your able and turn to God to accomlish more then you could.

The verse which stuck out for me was Lamentations 3:21
There is one ray of hope -his compassion lasts forever.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Today is the day that I have to tidy.

when i get back from church it will be glad rags on and starting with my bedroom the mess is out and the minimalist is is (as minimal as the mahmoods could get anyway!)

We are going to move Meema into our room so we have a room for a girl to come and stay with us. She is an orphan who needs a family while she sorts herself out and she seems happy to help me clean and cook and look after Meema while i go out and help in the church a bit more. at least i will be able to leave meema while i go out to brownies, drop kids at clubs and go to bible study. all things that she usually has to come along too and this all disturbs any routine we might have.

i have been trying to relax and gain strength for this day for about three days now and so with this morning being the last few hours of relaxing I am off for an eton mess breakfast (very good for my diet!) and a shower. I do not think the kids will come to church as we did not get back from London last night until 12.00 and they were all wide awake on the way home munching on food!

I am aiming to read the Bible in a year following my mums church. I am also going to finish the davidheywood study which i am really enjoying. Then my morning prayer is becoming more and more steady which is lovely since learning to rest and allow time and space to have a place in my prayer life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR and I pray for my one and only that this year will bring healing and joy.