my thoughts as I journey to discover what God and the Church want me to do with my passion to serve in the Church of England
Saturday, September 04, 2010
What are you confident in?
This is a question that came up yesturday when I met my Spiritual Director. I lack confidence and this is such an issue that when I talk to people about my calling I feel terrible that I should even be daring to state these things as if they might be fact because somehow I am sure they will not believe me and will be looking and thinking of me as stupid and childish.
It is horrid to live with this but I have to keep plodding through and know that God will enable to deal with these things.
When I thought about the question I know I am confident in God but answer has risen others. So I won't begin that journey yet so I sidetrack to my logic...
I am confident in my gifts. I am good at being a pastor, I can meet with people and connect with them where they are. My life has not been a bed of flower petels more a bed of roses with the thorns attached so I am able to sympathise, empathise and encourage or build up.
I am good at seeing where God maybe and leading a way to be there. For example in a village we are now I hope that by beginning a playgroup we as a christian community maybe able to help families and network in new ways.
Interpreting scripture - which my SD said is teaching.
Discernment.
Then I realise that I am confident in things people have told me about myself that are true in an obvious way i.e they match my gifts so I can see that they have identified this. My parents have never encouraged me in things yet after leading a communion service they were excited that this is what I should be doing. This was it.
So I need to hold onto the things I am confident in. I would be wonderful if we could hold up a mirror before God and see our image as he see's us - well in part.
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