I began to think today about buying a house in new by village which might work well for us, but again this evening I seem to get the impression that God is saying NO.

Again in our family prayers one of the verses came up that I always get when considering this matter.

Luke 10: 1-3.. take no sandel or satchel....

The other I often get is Luke 9:58... though they are related and so close I had not realised until this evening as I checked up because they always come at such different times.

I am off to read the whole passage more carefully and see if I am missing something.

But as it stands I always take it that God is saying life freely and do not get bound by a house as you are not yet where I want you to be.

today I watched Vicar of Dibley and one comment made me sit up and listen.

It was from 'celebrity Vicar' she becomes famous after doing a Pause For Thought. A journalist comes to do a story on her and rather than writing about her he writes about her parishoners. The No No No Brain, and Is this the Smelliest Man in England, and Is this the Moring man in England.

At the PCC meeting the chairman David says 'You let yourself come before your parishoners, have you got anything to say for yourself?' She shakes her head and he says'Then we move on sadly'.

enough said

this evening after school I went to the youth group and again it was great to have them all enjoying themselves. We studied Acts 9 and had the verses 1-19 printed from different versions of the Bible.

We did this to show the guys how the different versions can help us to understand the thought that was being expressed by the original writers. We read about Paul as it is such a famous conversion and conversation I picked up on the point that though we can think we are talking to noone when we talk to God we are actually talking to God and others confirm that very often. In this chapter we find many confirmations that Paul is not imagining.

A great worship evening also.
I feel so privilaged to be apart of this.

Paul probably enraged by Stephens death was consumed with thoughts about it. He surely pondered Stephens peaceful and unafraid manner in which he simply and confidently delivers his soul to God.

I am thinking of this because I am doing a study with young teens about paul this evening and I am just considering how being a Christian effects our manner as we live out our faith. Are we confident and at peace with ourselves and God?

I have been thinking about my last post and mentioning that my suprise would be greater to find an abyse than to find God. But I realise that it is not miracles that proove to us that God exists. I feel far more sure of the times when God has spoken to us than amazing things that happen.

I think this is because amazing things happen to us all in this world. Those who believe in God or not. There is no distinction as the Bible says 'one whom God sends the rain'.

It is when God speaks that I am truely assured and it is those times that I hold on to.

There are so many things to do with children and ways we can organise ourselves so that life is fulfilling and happy but we get so bogged down and tired it is hard to keep going.
I pray for myself and my sisters who are in a similar place to me right now.

Here are some ideas to entertain when you just cant be bothered to move.

jar with water and washing up liquid in. A bubble handle or something which would allow to blow through and make bubbles. i make my mixture shamefully strong but wach out for eyes, don't blow bubbles directly over the kids.

Take out shakers, drums any musical instrument or saucepans, pasta in a small tub with lid on, spoons, wooden spoons, and sing songs.

Take out paper and cut into thin strips have cellotape and glue and allow young one to experiment while trying to get the strips onto different things for example an old egg box can be cut up using the roundie bit to make a spider. then use straws to hand the spidars and your young one will enjoy the mobile. Mima loves spiders but we enjoyed chasing each other with the spiders!


The Grand Old Duke of York, He Had Ten Thousand Men, He marched them up to the top of the hill and he marched them down again. and when they were up they were up and when they were down they were down and when they were only half way up they were neitehr up nor down. see this link for a great way of doing this song

God is amazing, generous and awesome. I never cease to be inspired by the way God shows me so faithfully and gently that He is God and is in my life. I am so weak and frail yet this powerful God manages to speak to me in ways that are so gentle and true.

If there is no God then on the other side of this world when I stand in an abyse I will be more shocked than all the times that God shows me so faithfully that He is God and is in my life. And if I find that there is no conscience after death I will know nothing but the joy having known a God whilst alive on earth.

What has caused me to have such an outburst?!!!

Perhaps the meditation I have been shown over the last few days about being a mother who has been asked to or 'called' into the journey to priesthood is at a close. Maybe not but tonight just before I closed my reading of Richard Giles 'Here I am' this is what I read...

In foster families, of course, one doesn't sit around all day feeling cosseted; there is much to be done, from peeling potatoes to learning consideration, and remembering birthdays, and saying sorry. Foster parents are busy watching out for special gifts and skills, encouraging aptitudes here, redirecting energies there, always bringing out the best.
The Church is no different. Priests are parents who are always on the lookout for special gifts and aptitudes among their spiritual charges. page 98.

This reading did not even follow the pages I was reading it just dropped open at the end of the book which I never do, I never read the end of a book before I work my way through the pages.

I am amazed that God should direct my life and desire me to continue on this path to discover what he wants me to do. I am pray that I learn how to discuss, share and explain myself clearly and with confidence that I humbly feel Gods leading.

I have to challenge Richard Giles on just one comment that he has made in his book 'Here I Am'. He does not agree with the new wording used in the Alternative Service Book which has changed from 'go and make disciples' to 'baptise new disciples'. Now Giles comment is 'If we are not here to make disciples, we might as well return to the life we knew before the selection conference and the ordination exam.

I actually have to raise the point that there is a difference between the roles that have been established by the church over the years between the Deacon and the Priest or presbyter. I see a point in changing the wording and focus of the role because the Church has moved on from the days when the priest did it all. The Priest is now much more a Presbyter. The time of the layman is here. The Body of Christ is beginning to start crawling and with the taking a priest taking a back seat and ensuring that new disciples are Baptised, taught, nurtured, you never know perhaps we will begin to walk and even run as the Body the Christ.

Of course this is not to say that the Presbyter does not have the God given desire and role to make disciples as the Lord leads.

Today at church someone commented 'You have a lovely family, that means alot' This comment comes on top of a comment from my mum that she emailed me after coming for dinner on Friday evening. She wrote You are an accomplished mother, your children are 'You are a very accomplished person. The meal was lovely, the children delightful, the home so comfortable , yes all showed the hand of a competent mother.'

I am not writing this to boost my ego but when my friend mentioned it to me today I wondered if God might be reminding me of something and so I have been thinking and realised that I have put all else aside to concentrate on bringing up my family and devoting time to ensure that they understand life and who they are in this world as best I could.

Then as I chatted throughout the day about this to my dh I realised that when I go the panel I need to be me. I am a mother who has spent time reflecting, dedicating, serving, encouraging, engaging and disparing with my family which has enabled us to be a family I am proud to be apart of.

My dh also said to me 'it is better to be sure of what you have acheived than what you might acheive' and so I will try to be me and hold on that.

I have just had the most wonderful moment. I led communion for our family as we often do on a Sabbath, Friday. My mum and Step father came over and after the readings, song, prayer, communion they told me that I must put all else aside and focus on going forward for ordination.

It was amazing to hear that from them, as I always felt that as long as it was a paid work that I could do then I should go for it. It actually also came after a day when I had sadly been reflecting that people do not support me in the things I know I could do like child care or hotel management or catering etc...

So at the end of a day when I had reflected that family had not ever said 'yes do that you would be great.... my mum and step father say 'yes do that you are being moulded and are becoming, it is not that you could be it is that you are .... this is something you HAVE to do... I can see you leading a service, really I can actually see you leading a service and you have just led us here and it was wonderful it was like seeing you being who Christ wants you to be.' and then my mum said 'and you have a wonderful voice'. Thank you, thank you so much.

If I am ordained this will be a moment that will make that moment very special.

John 15:12-17


Listen to this passage
View commentary related to this passage


12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other.

Many years ago an elder in a church I attended for a good two years said to me 'When I pray for you I think of a shepherd welcoming people in'. A few years later another person who also knows me well and is in full time Christian Ministry said that 'I was called to the ministry of reconciliation'.

A deacon is called to encourage and be outward looking. I feel I am definately called to be outward looking but I am called to look outwardly in an inwardly manner. To encourage and enable the church to be a place that people can invite friends and people to. A place that when others come they meet God, they find a place in which they can recognise God at work.

I on my own will not do a good job and that is why I am constantly glad that it is God who calls and who works through us all doing and living out our calling. i am just a small part and if we all work together for the glory of God through Christ then, then and only then will we discover fruit and beauty and worship with the angels etc..... just a bit of ott there!!

I cannot come to say that I should not be a deacon it is a role in the church that I would love to live out and hope to live out. If I could fulfill the role of a deacon I would be very happy. But I do not feel it is the role that God is calling me to. Why???

I have failed to continue in the David Haywood study as I keep forgetting to do it. I have spent the last week reflecting on the first lesson but not really moving on so I am very disheartened as I feel I am just never going to fit all the extra things I want to get done for myself. I must I must....

I must.
So I think when the chips are down there is only one thing left to do.

Pray.
Lord, please please light in me the spark that enables your people to study more and pray more. Set me on fire to do more than I could do alone and help me achieve so taht I might share the grace and love and wisdom you enable me to have.

I don't want to be greedy I want to be overflowing.
Amen

Considering hearing confessions is important to me.

An important part of my calling is that I feel drawn to being able to hear confession and be in a position to enable those needing absolution to leave with a knowledge that they are forgiven and can begin to live a new life just as Jesus said to so many of those he healed 'Go and sin no more'.

As a deacon you are part of that process and it is essential but I wonder what a deacon would say about their call to hear confession.

It is hard to be with people and not be faced with the knowledge that some you speak to do wish you to hear them in their darkest and wildest thoughts and look for help and clarity. I am sure a deacon is faced with this also.

It seems when considering the role of a Deacon the fact that Jesus obviously lived out this role is enticing. To serve should be a key element of our calling as Christians, yet where to serve is critical as to be wrong would be stiffling and unfruitful.

And so i begin to look at the role of Deacons.

I did look at being a Deacon when I first began this journey of exploration. I felt that perhaps I was called to support the local minister/vicar and work with the people as I feel I am a 'people's person'.


Serving the wider community

deacons are called to put this into practice and make it a 'human reality'. They serve alongside the Bishop and Priest across a diocese enabling, enlightening and encouraging. How cool is that!

I certainly fit in here with my sense of hope and calling to reach out to the community in which I live and to a smaller degree the wider world I also am apt to be involved and notice the marginalised and the needy. Having been involved in care for the Elderly, disabled and self harmers I feel I have some ability to come alongside and perhaps discern ways for the church to support and love when and where able.

The Incumbents Course

I am beginning to admit to myself that being called to the role of a Priest is a particularly unique call and one which calls us to step out in faith with a heart of preparation ready to accept the responsibility.

this thought came after reading a thought from a blogger friend and her picture posted www.iwanttobeavicar.com

Books

Vocation

Being a Priest Today C.Cocksworth and R.Brown
The Life and Work of a Priest J.Pritchard
Ministry and Priesthood A.Redfern
How to Find Your Vocation J.Adair



Mission

Provocative Church G.Tomlin
Mission Shaped Church P.Bayes and T.Sledge
Healthy Churches Guide R.Warren
Evangelism M.Booker and


Spiritual

Why Go To Church Radcliffe
God of Surprises G.Hughes

Church Of England

this evening I chatted with a fellow from our church who has just returned from the Bishops selection panel.

I realised as he spoke that the panel represent a range of traditions in the COE and we come before them to show who we are and as a representation of the COE they identify in us or with us this must be part of diciding our 'fate'!

So what i mean really is that we can only be ourselves because the people who select us and are part of the big process are chosen to be 'a representation' therefore they are different to each other and so can recognise different things in us.

hope that makes sense to you more than it does to me!
rosanna