Friday, August 27, 2010

Learning to be Wise

Yes I am trying to learn to be wise. Praying for wisdom. Praying I learn when to speak and when to listen. Praying I learn to ask God and seek for glimpses of light before I reply or jump in.

I have so much to do now I need to really work on a TO DO list and then a priority list. It has been really hard for the last few months feeling so depressed and low of energy. I have not been able to do things and now I am behind by months on simple things of organising, cleaning, reading and writing/prep.

We are away for two nights from today so I am hoping the rest will enable me to come back refreshed and ready to rock and roll. I am only taking two books that I want to read so hopefully i will find time for those. But basically I want to be with the children and husband building our relationships and enabling us to work together more as a family team.

SO top of TODO list Family!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A friend wrote in her blog about 'to do lists' and I realised that this is just what I need. I do not get done all that I need to because I am so tired by the time I get to 'my time' that I collapse. I work through the day hoping the children will go to bed at 8 and I will then have two hours to work hard and get things done. But it never happens.

I am so grateful for others who help me realise things that I need to do. I so want to do well and acheive but I feel guilty doing things for myself.


I asked my wonderful husband the other week 'To make a real difference to benefit this world what would you really like to do'? His answer really shocked me. He said 'I would like to see you get through to be a Vicar, that would be something very very beneficial to the world'.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Reflecting this morning I recognise that I feel sad and disappointed in the Disciples of old. I feel that they did not do a good job in laying down the teachings of Jesus.
I feel that Jesus gave them a command which is also given to us but it is not an easy command to obey as we are at a loss, I feel, to understand wholly the teachings of Jesus.

I must study more and I pray the Holy Spirit will teach me and guide me.

Todays Morning Prayer - psalm 119 helps me realise that it is the attitude of our heart, the mind of our soul and the obedience of our selves that the love of Christ is known in our lives.

O deal with your servant according to your faithful love.

105Your word is a lantern to my feet •
and a light upon my path.

106I have sworn and will fulfil it, •
to keep your righteous judgements.

107I am troubled above measure; •
give me life, O Lord, according to your word.

108Accept the freewill offering of my mouth, O Lord, •
and teach me your judgements. R

109My soul is ever in my hand, •
yet I do not forget your law.

110The wicked have laid a snare for me, •
but I have not strayed from your commandments.

111Your testimonies have I claimed as my heritage for ever; •
for they are the very joy of my heart.

112I have applied my heart to fulfil your statutes: •
always, even to the end. R

113I hate those who are double-minded, •
but your law do I love.

114You are my hiding place and my shield •
and my hope is in your word.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A friend of mine has left to go to Trinity Bristol for his ordination course. I do hope he blogs so that we can follow how he is doing and what he is doing.
I have taken the drastic decision that i must study greek and hebrew so that if I am put forward then i am making life easier.

Lord take my heart and let it be always and forever consecrated
Lord take my eyes and may they see where you are at work
Lord take my thoughts and bless them. Help me to know more of you and be wise.

Monday, August 16, 2010

This article was posted in the Guardian

'last week's announcement that Anne Rice was to "quit being a Christian" while remaining committed to Christ made me smile. Rice made the annoucement on Facebook:

"In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen"

Amen indeed. Reading her statement, I felt a wave of smug pleasure reserved for those who feel they've been proven right'

People seem so confused about faith, religion, doctrine etc.

shame. I wonder what angered her enough to break out in such a way. She must be feeling very insecure spiritually and I pray that she does hold on to Christ. That in holding onto Christ she finds all that she desires.

I am thinking through 'Rule of Life'. As I am thinking about this I am realising that perhaps each one of us can think about our lives and what it is we feel God is calling us to deepen or become more methodical in doing. It maybe prayer but it maybe serving others. Then how to make this most productive, so it needs to be realistic. And finally letting it become so part of your life that it sinks to the depths of your motion so that it can be something that which is a base line from which further growth can blossom

Friday, August 13, 2010

It was ashers birthday yesturday and thankfully I still felt good and so we managed to finish tidying the house and baked a cake. Well actually my daughter baked a cake. Such an amazing child. So beautiful and caring, accomplished and determined. She did such an amazing job and when the cake would not turn out (as I had left the baking cake tins at a friends house she had to use a hugh roasting tin!) we simple made a fantastic cake with cream and icing in the form of tirimisu.
Our son made a fantastic card and left space for us to sign which we all did and he very proudly handed it to his dad. He is great at drawing and very funny always joking and making us laugh. He always tries his best and succeeds. I am very proud of my two big babies. Yesturday they helped me so much with joy and love. I could not ask for a lovelier place to have been.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Mission in unfamiliar contexts.

The Cross and the Tomb are empty and so in many ways we sacrifice ourselves in ministry. We empty ourselves in giving to other sacrificially and we give our selves to others in service but my thought lies in the less easily grasped realisation that after Jesus rose from the grave he was seen with people confirming the scriptures, sharing the bread and wine, meeting with friends and being present in their daily lives.

And so it is essential our ministry is not only self emptying. It is essential that our ministry is fulfilling, sharing, alive and real.
I am listening to Ave Maria and todays I read psalm 73. How Apt.

Ave maria was written for the 'The Lady of the Lake' Sir Walter Scott.

The whole feel of the song is one of a child calling out in need of answered prayer.

In Psalm 73 one can hear the reality of Davids plea to know God within him as he faces the presures and powers of mankinds sins before him.

Is it not a presure we are all too aware of ourselves in this modern age were we are all able to live as kings.

Those who provide our food and entertainment often suffer greatly for our demands. We do not see them and so are not bothered. We live just as kings.

Those who are sacrificed to provide us provide us with these things live unnoticed by us and we ease our conscience by buying Fair trade or such. We live as gods.

And then just as David recognises in this Psalm at points we awaken and our hearts are aware. We recognise ourselves before God. The whole psalm is an amazing in look to Davids life with other kings and dignitories and then his recognition that if God is within your spirit, guiding your life then you have such love and peace.

21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,

22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

Monday, August 09, 2010

I have had a awful cold for the last few days and it is just shifting today though I feel awful and need to get things sorted for a midsummer service we are having in Caldecote each week of August.

I am sure no one will come especially since I have been too ill to get posters out.

I feel terrible but hope that word of mouth will get a few people in. These things never attact people though as people forget.

Lord remind them!!

Sunday, August 08, 2010

I love these verses. 'Wash and make yourselves clean' then 'Come let us reason together'. They remind me of our call in Deut 11 to speak of these things to our children. discuss before breakfast and as we walk.

Be inspired

Isaiah 1:
16 wash and make yourselves clean.
Take your evil deeds
out of my sight!
Stop doing wrong,
17 learn to do right!
Seek justice,
encourage the oppressed. [a]
Defend the cause of the fatherless,
plead the case of the widow.
18 "Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.
19 If you are willing and obedient,
you will eat the best from the land;

Friday, August 06, 2010

It is so hard to struggle through life if you find bringing up children more of a chore than a blessing.

How to find the balance and create a healthy focus?

Sacrifice is something most people are prepared to do but after a while or with a new turn of events sacrifice becomes too much of a burden which limits all those involved.

How to turn sacrifice into something manageable and healthy is my thought.

Thursday, August 05, 2010

This is a picture from a page on the Westcott College Cambridge Site. As I looked at it I began to realise how 'alien' our 'rituals' must be to onlookers. I began to recognise that actually people may well not look at us a laugh anymore that we are partaking in these strange rituals. I think now they are so alien people look on in as much interest or disinterest as they would if Hindu's or some other faith were performing a ritual in public, i.e Diwali.

It did make me think about how our children feel.

Kids struggle with being different. This is something many kids have to face and recognise eventually that we are all different. It is impossible to 'fit in' unless those you are with accept you for YOU.

My thoughts this morning are on how we can enable our kids to be strong in themselves and know that people look on at them to discover who they are so it is best to discover just that.

So how can you discover who you are?
join clubs that do things you are interested in

Enjoy the company of friends who really do accept you and all the strange things you think and do!!

Talk to parents and people who live with you and want the best for you.

Think. Using your brain to consider all sorts of things helps you to grow and learn more about all that you can do.

I am sure that there are more and hope to get others from friends who may have suggestions.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning"

This verse has jumped out of the pages today and it kind of fulfills a set of verses that I have been getting over a few years. I have decided to use this space to collate them. with my own thoughts in bold. The verses related underneath.

Luke 12:35 "Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning

the following verses were coming to me a couple of years ago and then they were given by another friend and strangely (as these things go) were the verses on the Wed Communion the following but one day. I recognised that God had our lives in his hands and though we were not staying in one place long we had to follow and be ready for any move and trust that He has our lives in his plan.... there is a purpose and His purpose will be upheld if we trust.

Luke 9
The Cost of Following Jesus
57As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, "I will follow you wherever you go."
58Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head."

59He said to another man, "Follow me."
But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

60Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God."

61 Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family."

62Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

From the following verses I had felt that God was saying to me have focus Rosanna. I am the focus. But I did not realise at that time that having the baby would put such a pressure on me and I would this last year and a half loose my focus. Not in my mind or thoughts or heart, no God and our Lord Jesus have become ever more my focus in my daily thoughts... continual. But in my soul, my spirit. here I have found a real battle and struggle which I lost. I feel (perhaps I am wrong) that no man can win the battle in the sould and spirit this a place for the Lord to win and kindle. And that is why I know my focus had gone in these deep places.

Luke 10

At the Home of Martha and Mary
38As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed.[f] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

the parables about using the talents God has entrusted to you has been 'in my face' so to say for a good few weeks now and I wondered why. Yesterday again I put the radio on a christian channel and the parable of the talents came on with a commentary. 'throughout luke these parables are placed after a teaching about salvation. We are being warned to use our talents not only be thankful for our salvation'.

I have to face the fact that God has called me and unless I obey I am stifled. I feel like a useless candle.

These and others from luke similar are those that had kept prodding my conscience though I was unsure why fully... strange how some things just do not fully come to our understanding until the right time.

Luke 12

42The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,' and he then begins to beat the menservants and maidservants and to eat and drink and get drunk. 46The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.

47"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. 48But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Now I know that the Spirit is within kindled and my soul is alight with excitement and desire. my mind is eager and listening. my strength is focused and directed. Gods warning is heeded and just as in the parable about the fig tree which had not been tended I pray that God will be my farmer and I will be the tree. let it be.

Luke 13

1Now there were some present at that time who told Jesus about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mixed with their sacrifices. 2Jesus answered, "Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans because they suffered this way? 3I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. 4Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them—do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? 5I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish."
6Then he told this parable: "A man had a fig tree, planted in his vineyard, and he went to look for fruit on it, but did not find any. 7So he said to the man who took care of the vineyard, 'For three years now I've been coming to look for fruit on this fig tree and haven't found any. Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?'

8" 'Sir,' the man replied, 'leave it alone for one more year, and I'll dig around it and fertilize it. 9If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.' "

Luke 12Watchfulness
35"Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, 36like men waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him. 37It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. I tell you the truth, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them. 38It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the second or third watch of the night. 39But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. 40You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."
41Peter asked, "Lord, are you telling this parable to us, or to everyone?"

Monday, August 02, 2010

I am feeling really low this morning. Arrived home and having to unpack, clean, sort things out and reduce rubbish, keep kids happy and help them to want to study during the holidays, mind the baby and keep her in a routine that will enable me to do things after the holiday, cook, shop, plan for DDO meeting in a month and spiritual direction meeting un booked as I have noone to help me look after the children while I go, Bible Study and prayer time, Reflection on things that I wanted to write about....
then chatting to Dearest One as I took a bath to relax from getting mighty upset with the kids for not helping look after baby while I cleaned up kitchen after cooking.... he says 'oh you lucky thing, work is horrid'... ahhhhh I wish I was at work.
full stop
moaning over now off to pray and study then the rest.
todays readings

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Today I visited the church my sister in law attends, when she is able to go to church.

I went with the question posed by the DDO 'What is happening as the Priest presides at Communion?'.

It was amazing and perhaps not relevent to the question but what happened will remain with me forever in what ever ministry God is calling me to.

I moved forward and sat with a lady who was alone. She is in her 80s I expect and as we whispered to each other I could tell how blessed she was at my keeping her company. She stood for some of the songs and the creed and for communion which was brought for her in her chair as she does not go forward. It was obvious that my sitting with her had given her the courage and joy to stand and I was so touched by this. The JOY of coming along side and bringing community, love and joy is deep and unfathomable.

In a perfect world the Priest is standing there with all those who cannot, being a support to them, and hence when taking communion out to those who are no longer able to get to church is just an extension of that presence at the Lord's table.